NOW ON SALE AT IKEA- Lesbian Beds.........No nuts or screwing involved. It's all tongue and groove!!!!
Two Glaswegians, Archie and Jimmy, are sitting in the pub discussing Jimmy's forthcoming wedding. "Och, it's all goin' pure brilliant," says Jimmy. "A've got everythin' organised awready, the flooers, the church, the caurs, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night". Archie nods approvingly. "I've even bought a kilt to be married in!" continues Jimmy. "A kilt?" exclaims Archie, "That's magic, you'll look pure smart in that. Whit's the tartan?" "Och," says Jimmy, "A'd imagine she'll be in white!
**** it.. 102 pages and I might as well have a pointless post... Finally I'm involved in the longest, most pointless post. Message to the op.... I haven read all 102 pages!
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
A Yorkshireman takes his cat to the vet. Yorkie: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk t'thee about me cat." Vet: "Is it a tom?" Yorkie: "Nay, I've browt it wi’ us."
At the end of a tiny deserted bar is a huge scouse bloke - 6ft 5in tall and 350lbs. He's having a few beers when a short, well dressed and obviously gay man walks in and sits beside him. After 3 or 4 beers, the gay fella finally plucks up the courage to say something to the big Liverpudlian. Leaning over, he cups his huge ear: "Do you want a blow job?" he whispers. At this, the massive Merseysider leaps up with fire in his eyes and smacks the man in the face. Knocking him off the stool, he proceeds to beat him all the way out of the bar. Finally he leaves him, badly bruised, in the car park and returns to his seat as if nothing had happened. Amazed the bartender quickly brings over another beer. "I've never seen you react like that" he says. "Just what did he say to you?" "I'm not sure" the big scouser replies. "Something about a job."
The Welsh film industry is to receive additional funding to step up production. They are going to remake many well known films, but this time with a Welsh flavour. The following are planned for release ... * 9ý Leeks * Trefforest Gump * Cwmando * The Lost Boyos * An American Werewolf in Powys * Huw Dares Gwyns * Dai Hard * The Wizard of Oswestry * Cool Hand Look-you * Sheepless in Seattle * The Eagle has Llandudno * The Magnificent Severn * Haverfordwest Was Won * Austin Powys * The Magic Rhonddabout * Independence Dai * The Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysilio gogogoch that time forgot. * Welsh Connection * The Bridge on the River Wye * Lawrence of Llandybie * The Welsh Patient * The Sheepshag Redemption * Breakfast at Taffynys * Look Back in Bangor * Evans Can Wait * A Fishguard Called Rhondda * Where Eagles Aberdare * Dial M For Merthyr
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada. The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years. The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose." Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy. Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!","I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend," and "The barbie is cancelled." And finally Canada is at "That's not nice and please stop" threat level, and has passed a bill in the House of Commons to never raise the level any higher so as not to offend the terrorists.
