Apparently it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethnic minority so try this one: An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and a South African went to a night club. The bouncer said: "Sorry, I canââ¬â¢t let you in without a Thai"
A man walks into a bar in New York and says to the barman: - Man "if I can show you something you have never seen before can I get free drinks on the house" Barman "Sure I have seen everything nothing will supprise me" The man takes a small grand piano out of one pocket and a small man out of the other and places them on the bar, the small man walks over to the piano and plays Beethoven's 5th Barman "that's brilliant never seen anything like that you and your little friend can have free drinks all night" The barman then asked where did he come by such a thing and the man explains. Man "Not very far from here I was walking down 81st street at 4am and a goblin like creature asked me to make a wish it was on a night with a full moon and it just so happens there is a full moon this week" On the full moon night the barman goes down to the point at 4am on 81st street and sure enough a goblin creature says "I will grant you one wish you have 5 seconds" Barman says hurriedly "give me a million bucks" then the goblin disappears and the man walks back to his bar confused with no money. As he opens the door a million rubber ducks start falling out of the bar onto the street The next day the man walks into the bar to see how the barman got on and could see nothing but rubber ducks everywhere angrily the barman says "Cheers pal thanks to you I have no money and have to clear up this mess" Man “what do you mean no money" Barman "Well I asked for a million bucks" Man "I don't think that goblin guy hears very well" Barman "What do you mean" Man "Well do you think I asked for a 12 inch pianist"!!
A golfer went into the doctors with a 5 iron wrapped around his neck, the doctor asked how did that happen, the man replied that he was playing golf with his wife when she sliced her ball into the next field, when looking for it i found it wedged in a cows fanny and turned to my wife and said This looks like yours, i dont remember much after that.
A container holding 250,000 QPR football shirts was returned by the people of Japan with a note: "We have no homes, no money, no food, we have nothing BUT .... we still have our dignity."
Four QPR fans were playing football with a hedghog outside my house last night. I was ****ing disgusted. I was just about to phone the RSPCA when the hedghog went 1-0 up.
Two QPR supporters sit down for a break in their new shop which wasn't ready for opening yet. One said "I bet some twats gonna walk by and ask what we're selling." No sooner had he said it than a curious Cardiff fan walks by, stops and asks "What you selling butt?" Sarcastically, one of the QPR fans replies, "We're selling arseholes mate." The Cardiff fan says, "Well, you're doing well butt - you've only got two left!"
Richard and Patrick 2 Cardiff City fans were coming out of a pub in Wales one evening when Richard spotted a Sheep with its head stuck in the railings. "Look at that Paddy, we cant miss a chance like that" says Richard So Richard walks up behind the sheep, drops his trousers and does this business. Richard then says "Okay Paddy its your turn next" So Paddy drops his trousers and stuck his head in the railings......
I read Elton John George Michael and Michael Barrymore are setting up an aid project to find victims of the tsunami and nuclear problems. The three are very used to wading through **** looking for Japanese eyes. Elton and Goerge later announced Michael Barrymore would not be joining in as they wanted to find people alive and not more who had drowned.
I went to the Cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave....As I was standing there in deep refection I noticed four grave diggers Walking about carrying a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about the cemetery with the coffin. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!!
ok - here's a sheep gag for you. A researcher at ITV Wales is going round Wales, looking into farmer's preferred sexual positions with sheep. He goes to Powys, Gwynedd, Clwyd and Pembrokeshire where he gets the same reply every time. "Well, I place their hind legs in my wellingtons, so they can't get away, then I take them from behind in time honoured fashion." Tired of hearing the same dull reply he reaches the vale of Glamorgan where he finds a farmer in the middle of the disgraceful act with his favourite ewe. However, this farmer's got the sheep on her back, legs akimbo. "Sorry to interrupt", says our man, "but I couldn't help noticing that you have an unusual method when it comes to shagging your sheep. I've been doing some research and. . . .' The breathless farmer interjects. "Oh, you mean, the legs in the wellies method? Yes, very effective, they can't get away. . . but. . . you . . . can't kiss em like that."
