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Off Topic The Goodhand Arms
- Thread starter TheSecondStain
- Start date
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I went to put some air in my car tyres at the petrol station, only to discover they were now charging 50p.
When I complained, saying it was free last time, the bloke said -
"Well that's inflation for you"
When I complained, saying it was free last time, the bloke said -
"Well that's inflation for you"
I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low?
How could anyone stoop so low?
Paddy decides to take up boxing and goes for the required medical.
A few days later the doctor phones and says "Paddy, you realise you've got sugar diabetes"
Paddy says, "Nice one, when do I fight him?"
A few days later the doctor phones and says "Paddy, you realise you've got sugar diabetes"
Paddy says, "Nice one, when do I fight him?"
I told my Mrs that I had a really itchy arse. She said "Ring sting?" I said "What the f*ck can he do about it? "
My wife just got home; she said, "I’ve got good news and bad news."
I said, "Just give me the good news."
She said, "The airbags work on your new car."
I said, "Just give me the good news."
She said, "The airbags work on your new car."
I just asked my mom if she can pick me up because I don’t like this sleepover and she said, “No, you’re 47 and that’s your wife and kids.”
So I was in a shoe shop this morning trying on a shoe, I said to the assistant "It's too tight".
She said, "Try it with the tongue out".
I said, "It'th nho ghood, it'th thtill thoo thight".
She said, "Try it with the tongue out".
I said, "It'th nho ghood, it'th thtill thoo thight".
I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking.”
Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “burial.”
Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “burial.”
Mock The Week.
Q, Name two words that you won't hear on a Saints Social Media site?
A. Something Positive,
Q, Name two words that you won't hear on a Saints Social Media site?
A. Something Positive,
A psychic dwarf broke out of jail.
There was a small medium at large
There was a small medium at large
I saw my dwarf neighbour at a bus stop. " Do you want a lift ?" I asked "F*ck off you bast*rd " he replied. So I did up my rucksack.and carried on walking.
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A couple of my mates are throwing a joint Chinese New Year party and Burns night party. It's called Chinese burns night. I didn't want to go but they twisted my arm!
Do they do battered skate?
That's tomorrow's special
I know we had quite a lot of rain overnight, but maybe if the council actually cleared the drains, we wouldn't have so much flooding and traffic chaos around the city...