Off Topic The Goodhand Arms

A Guinness brewery worker travels to the home of his co-worker with bad news.

'I'm sorry Mary, but Keith died at the brewery today'.

'Oh my god!' replied Mary, 'What happened?!'

'He drown in a vat of Guinness Stout' said the worker, sadly.

'That's terrible! Was it a quick death at least?' asked Mary.

'I'm afraid not,' the worker replied, 'He got out twice to have a wee'.

 

Paddy was stopped at the traffic lights winds down his window and smiles at the beautiful lady in the car next to him. The beautiful lady winds down her window and smiles back. Paddy said "Have you farted too? "

 

I told you that in confidence

 

I'm currently reading a book about a couple of insects who fall in love in an Italian city.

It's a Rome ants novel.

 

You men are so tough on yourself. I’d say unhinged.

 

I got attacked by two men with knives last night but I managed to knock one out. Probably not the best time for a w**k but I thought it might be my last chance.

 

I stabbed my acupuncturist and he said it was the best he’d ever felt.

 

Heres a headline I never thought I'd read:
Glastonbury 2024: Russell Crowe sings about Southampton

https://www.dailyecho.co.uk/news/24...yMcLyoMBs_LsZUZnt8_aem_Fyx3yXSmRAawxYlAGENNdg

 

Surely there’s still time to put him and Indoor Garden Party on stage at St. Mary’s before the season starts?

 

We could go all superbowl and have them on for a half time show on the opening home game of the season!