Bill was on the side of the road hitch-hiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a fierce rain storm. The night was rolling on, and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few metres ahead of him. Suddenly through the swirling rain Bill saw a car slowly coming towards him. And as it drew level with him, it stopped. Desperate for shelter and without really thinking about what he was doing, Bill got into the back seat of the car and closed the door. That was when he realised there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't even on! Mysteriously and soundlessly, the car started moving slowly forward. Bill looked at the road and saw a curve approaching. Now he was scared, and he began to fear for his life. But just before he reached the curve, a ghostly hand appeared through the window of the car, and turned the steering wheel. Bill, paralysed with terror, watched how the hand appeared every time they came to a curve. When he saw the lights of a pub down the road, Bill gathered all his bravery and strength, jumped out of the car, and ran to to the pub. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and asked for two shots of scotch. Shaking and half crying, he began telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just been through. A silence enveloped everybody when they realised he was not drunk, but was for real. About 10 minutes later, two guys walked into the same pub. They were also wet, and were out of breath. Looking around and seeing Bill sobbing at the bar, one said to the other, "Hey Bruce… that's the idiot who got in the car while we were pushing it."
A true story from my childhood. My younger brother was taken to see Santa at Debenhams I think it was in Southampton back in the mid 70s. Santa asked my brother what he wanted for Christmas so my brother told him. About 15 minutes or so later another Santa in the city centre asked My brother what he wanted for Christmas. My brother replied I told you just now.
Mum used to take us to Edwin Jones to go on a spoof train ride to Santas Grotto, never cottoned on that it we were static and pictures were moving past the windows....still I was only 23 at the time!
A research scientist at a large corporate laboratory developed a method to clones humans. Unfortunately, the ethics review board would not allow him to experiment on humans. So he decided to clone himself in secret. He was also able to accelerate the aging process so within a short time, the clone was roughly the same age as the scientist. It was an exact copy of him ... it looked exactly like him, walked exactly like him, had identical mannerisms, etc. ... but with one difference: The clone had the foulest mouth EVER. Every other word out of his mouth was a 4-letter word. He could not help but cuss like a sailor. Fortunately however, since he was a secret experiment, the scientist kept the clone locked up in his basement-level lab. He never interacted with other people... until one fateful day. Early one morning, the corporate CEO wanted a progress report on the scientist's work and sent a messenger down to the lab to fetch him. Unfortunately, the scientist wasn't there yet and the messenger mistook the clone for the scientist and sent the clone upstairs to the CEO. Well, as was his way, the clone proceeded to cuss the CEO out with the most rude and offensive language the executive had ever heard. Not realising he was talking to a clone, the CEO announced to everyone that the scientist was fired immediately. By the time the real scientist showed up that morning, they were throwing his stuff out in the street. Years of research was destroyed... his life's work ruined. He asked around and found out what had happened. He was beyond furious! He found the clone, lured him up to the roof of the 40-story building and ... in a fit of rage ... pushed him off the edge to his death. The police investigated the matter fully and quickly arrested the scientist and took him downtown where they booked him for ... wait for it ... little bit longer ... ready? .... ok .... The police booked the scientist for making an obscene clone fall.
A construction working was dying for a pee and was about to climb all the way down to the bottom to go to the loo. The crane driver shouted "Instead of climbing all the way down and back up again jump in the bucket and I will swing you out and when you have finished give me the thumbs up and I will swing you back". So he gets in the bucket and the crane driver swings him out. The crane driver accidentally knocks the leaver that opens the bucket and the construction worker fell to his death hitting the ground in front of two old dears. The policeman asks if they saw what had happened. One old dear replied "He crashed into the pavement in front of us and I think he was a pervert". The policeman asked "What makes you say that?" Well said the old dear "He fell out the sky with his dick in his hand shouting c***.
There's plenty of silver haired old foxes on here that have extracted the cassette, managed to retrieve the tape from inside the player and done the pencil rewind.
C120’s were the worst offenders, I stopped using them in the end as they almost always turned to spaghetti.
II was stood at the urinals earlier having a pee when I noticed a man with no arms struggling. I said I know it's embarrassing but would you like a hand? Yes please he replied so I got his cock out for him and when he finished I shook it for him and put it back for him. It was all desease ridden covered in spots. I said Not being rude but what is wrong with your cock.? With that he put his hands and arms back through his sleeves and replied I'm f*cked if I know I don't go near it.
