A man met a beautiful lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.' He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.' So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort. One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 metre board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel. She said, 'That was incredible!' He said, 'I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along.' So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing lengths. After seventy-five lengths she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel and was hardly out of breath. He said, 'That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?' 'No,' she said, 'I was a prostitute in Liverpool but I worked both sides of the Mersey'......
Charlie was visiting an old friend and his wife for dinner: When the time came to leave, his car wouldn't start, and it was too late to call the local service station. The husband urged Charlie to stay over. There was no spare bed in the house; there wasn't even a sofa. So Charlie would have to sleep with the husband and wife. No sooner had the husband fallen asleep when the wife taped Charlie on the shoulder and motioned for him to come over to her. "I couldn't do that." He whispered. "Your husband is my best friend!" "Listen, sugar." She whispered back. "There ain't nothing in the whole wide world could wake him up now." "I can't believe that." Charlie said. "Certainly if I get on top of you and screw you, he'll wake up won't he?" "Sugar, he certainly won't. If you don't believe me, pluck a hair out of his ahole and see if that wakes him." Charlie did just that. He was amazed when the husband remained asleep. So he climbed over to the wife's side of the bed and scrxwed her. When he finished, he climbed back to his own side. It wasn't long before she tapped him on the shoulder and beckoned him over again. Again he pulled a hair to determine if his old friend was asleep. This went on eight times during the night, each time Charlie screwed the woman, he first pulled out one of the husband's ahole hairs. The ninth time he pulled a hair, the husband awoke and muttered.... "Listen, Charlie, old pal, I don't mind you screwing my wife, but for Pete's sake, stop using my ass for a scoreboard!"
I'm doing my best. I'm in a bar with a load of south Americans who seem to be able to drink shots like they're water...im not as young as I used to be and I'm working tomorrow so I'll call it a night soon. Its a new job, new career and new industry so I'm trying to absorb a huge learning curve. Luckily my boss was with me, and he's already a person I'm leading back to our hotel later. 55 years old but I'm keeping up with the yoof still
Lisbon next week, and then a few weeks in blighty before my first trip away unsupervised in Italy. I used to work in IT. This is so much better.
