Fred came home from University in tears. “Mum, am I adopted?” “No of course not,” replied his mother. “Why would you think such a thing?” Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side of the city. Perturbed, his mother called her husband. “Honey, Fred has done a DNA test, and… and… I don’t know how to say this… he may not be our son.” “Well, obviously!” he replied. “What do you mean?” “It was your idea in the first place” her husband continued. “You remember, that first night in hospital when the baby did nothing but scream and cry and scream and cry. On and on. And you asked me to change him.” “I picked a good one I reckon. Ever so proud of Fred.”
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The Pope was in England and got into his limousine and Said to the chauffeur I am always being driven around and I'm getting fed up with it. I am a good driver please could you let me drive ? The chauffeur agreed and the Pope drove. A Police car pulled the limo over and the policeman saw the Pope was the driver and the policeman said I need to go back to my car for a second The policeman got on the radio Sarg I have just pulled a limo over for speeding. Sarg replied Then give it a ticket. Policeman said But Sarg I think it is somebody really Important. Sarg replied More Important than the Prime minister? Policeman said I think so Sarg. Sarg replied More important than the Queen? Policeman replied Its quite possible Sarg. So who is it then? asked Sarg. The policeman Replied I don't know Sarg but the Pope is his chauffeur.
Who needs kids like this? I shouldn't have laughed but I couldn't help it. Warning this video has very colourful language.
Over 100 killed and utter devastation after tornadoes swept through Kentucky on Friday night. And I'm not surprised judging by the size of this monster.
I saw photos showing train carriages that had been dumped off the tracks and a collapsed Amazon distribution depot, in Illinois, which had 100 emergency vehicles in attendance. Unknown number of people inside. Nature is truly awesome.
It really isn't good when most tornadoes occur at night. Even with tornado warning sirens you don't get much warning. And when you can't see where the danger is coming from it must be terrifying.
I haven’t used the word “awesome” in the more modern way of meaning “good, great” etc but in the meaning of fear.
A Yorkshire man walks into a vets. “E yup, can tha tek a look at me cat - it’s not bin its-sen lately” “Okay” says the vet, “but first things first - is it a tom?” ”Nah” he replies, “I’ve got it ‘ere wi me…”
Yorkshireman calls round his mates house after lockdown. "Ey oop pet just wondered if 'Arry fancied a game o' snooker" "Nay lad, 'avent thee 'eard, ee passed away on't Tuesday" Stunned silence.... "Oo pet, I'm sorry to hear that............bugger .......Ee didn't say owt about a tin of green paint did Ee? "
