Off Topic The dying Swan ~ Joke thread

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting
to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had
something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,
making beer... Always something more important to me. Finally she
thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall
grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again
I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

 

Fighting back…. One poor photoshop at a time ….MAGA

 

I didn't want O'Sullivan to win either.

 

I understand Maskey enjoys eating the nuts.

 

Pinched this from Twitter.
Have I Got News For You
@haveigotnews
·
1h

Maradona’s ‘hand of God’ shirt sells for £7million at auction. Unconfirmed reports Peter Shilton tried to buy it but didn’t put his hand up high enough.

 

It is just a desk chair that looks super harmless. I am so ashamed that you were starting to get offended by it.

 

Thanks for clearing that up.......I thought I hadn't been in that office before.

 

I took my suit to the cleaners,who wanted to charge me £15, so I gave it to the charity shop next door. They cleaned and pressed it and put it in the window.
The next day, I bought it for £4.50

 

Hmm, I wondered why I was always picked last and always ended up in goal.

 

At least you didn't have to get the ball from under the car.