An Irishman was walking home late at night and sees a woman lurking in the shadows. "Twenty Euros,” she whispers" Paddy had never had a hooker before, but decides -- what the hell, it's only twenty Euros. He takes up her offer and they hide in the bushes..!... They're going at it for a couple of minutes, when, all of a sudden, a light flashes on them; it’s a police officer..! "What's going on here, people?" asks the officer, "I'm making love to me wife", the Irishman answers sounding annoyed...! "Oh, I'm so sorry," says the cop, "I didn't know!" "Well, neither did I", said Paddy, "til ya shined dat feckin light in her face!!!”
Not quite Dying Swans, more like Dead Penguins - I never knew this! Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ? Where do they go? Wonder no more ! ! ! It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life. If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried. The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing: "Freeze a jolly good fellow." "Freeze a jolly good fellow." You really didn't believe that I know anything about penguins, did you? It's so easy to fool people. I am sorry, an urge came over me that made me do it!!! Oh quit whining I fell for it, too
The police came to my house last night, showing me a picture. " Is this your wife, sir" "Yes" "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus" "I know she does but she's good with the kids"
INVITATION I'm hosting charity concert for people who struggle to reach an orgasm. Let me know if you can't come.
The Bathtub Test. During a visit to a mental asylum, I asked the director "How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalised?" "Well", said the director, "We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a tea cup and a bucket to the patient and ask them to empty the bathtub" ... "Oh, I see, So a normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the tea cup" I replied "No", said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug, Do you want a bed near the window?"