Off Topic The dying Swan ~ Joke thread

oops

 

Tried that one on the Leeds board? It wouldn't be out of place.

 

A bit harsh on Liverpool supporters.

 

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'
His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'its fart football.'
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score...'
After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'
Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie the score.'
Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on for the old man.
He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.
Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got and accidentally poops in the bed.
The wife says, 'What the hell was that?'
The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides

 

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What do you get if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Slow down

 

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Traveling through Wales an old couple drive into a petrol station. The attendant asks the old man, "Where are you from?." The old man says, "We're from Cardiff." Hard of hearing, the old lady nudges her husband, "What did he say, papa?" The old man answers her, "He asked us where we are from." "Oh," replies the old woman. The old man tells the attendant to fill up the tank and check the tyres. When that's all done, the attendant tells the old man, "You know, the worst piece of ass I ever had was from Cardiff." The old lady nudges her husband once more and asks, "What did he say, papa?" The husband replies, "He thinks he knows you, mama."