A police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man began, "I can explain." "Just be quiet," snapped the officer. I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back." "But, officer, I just wanted to say," "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!" A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding... He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."
My mate told me if you ever get a thorn from a blackberry bush, put into a glass or bowl of Strongbow. I said "Why, will it help?" He said "I heard your misses say whenever she gets a prick in her hand she always puts it in cider"
