.An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley rider for traveling faster than the posted speed limit: He asks the old biker his name. “Fred.” He replies. “Fred what?” The officer asks. “Just Fred.” The old man responds. The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the old biker a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name. The old man tells him that he used to have a last name, but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. “Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?’ The old biker replies. “It’s a long story, so stay with me. I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, and residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while, I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! I got all the way through school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS. I got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD. Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD. Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.” The officer walked away in tears, laughing.
I parked the car in Tesco car park! I left the window open slightly so my dog had fresh air, she looked comfy stretched out on the back seat I walked away from the car backwards, saying with my finger pointing “Stay do you hear me, Stay! Then I heard the driver of a nearby car say why the f-ck don’t you just put the handbrake on !
After another row between us, my partner broke the silence by saying, "This isn't working, is it?" It was like a huge weight had been lifted of me and I turned to her and said, "Thank God you feel the same way! The thought of living in a loveless relationship for years to come was overwhelming me. I'll start looking for somewhere to live first thing in the morning." As tears welled up in her eyes, she replied, "I was talking about the microwave..."
Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors, and 'cos the poor dear was several sandwiches short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her eccentric behaviour, and some of them even joined in the fun. One day Ethel was speeding along one of the corridors when a man stepped out of one of the doorways with his arm outstretched: “Stop !” he said firmly. “Have you got a licence for that thing?” Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit-Kat wrapper, which she handed to him with a big smile. “OK,” he said, and off she went again. Taking the corner by the TV lounge on one wheel as usual, she found another man standing in the corridor in front of her. “Stop !” he said firmly, “Have you got a valid registration for that vehicle, madam?” Ethel dug into her handbag again and came up with a well-used beermat, which she presented for inspection, and she was sent on her way once more. Heading down the last corridor before the front door, a third man stepped out in front of her, stark naked, and holding a sizable erection in one hand. “Oh, no,” cried Ethel, “Not the breathalyser again !”
