Off Topic The Burly Arms

Stan is a time traveller from the 80's.

 

I signed a tidy little contract this week and I told the wifey about it being signed off last night. I've just had an email to my gmail account from my asos account thanking me for my order. She's basically sitting at home, spending my money as I'm at my office earning it.

'We' decided that we're moving early next year too, good time to start saving money I reckon.

 

haha, they're great at that tbf.

My first wife once went out and bought a ****ing house without me seeing it! She announced over dinner that she'd been to see a place, and then dropped the bomb that she'd put an offer in and it had been accepted. I was chuffed with this news as you can imagine.

 

She wants a new build with a huge back garden so I can build her a salon to work from home... a new build with a big garden in Cheshire

 

New build and huge back garden aren't items that generally go together. Good luck realigning her expectations mate

 

It'd be cheaper for me to buy some land and build I reckon mate, she's gonna have to pipe down. I fear she'd get bored of the salon anyway and move her mum into it instead

 

Only one of those items could be found in the 80s

 

There's always one and it always you!

 

Shame you don't have the same view on sheep

 

What makes you think I'm not monogamous? I could be a one sheep man.

 

I'm gigging with the boys, tonight. Just about to set off, in fact.

I expect the place to be rammed tight with hot, adoring pussy (as usual).

I will probably log back on at around 2am. But don't wait up, eh, lads.

 

There's no pussy is there?

 

At best middle aged women who spend the majority of their time in the pub.

Rock and roll.

 

Are you?

 

They do rainbow colours as well

 

I told my third wife I've got a big ****ing patio

Since then, we get along just great.

I can't imagine what she thought I was implying!

 

Did she not ask to road test your patio before agreeing to marry you?

 

Naive as **** mate!

She's even ordering the bags of sand

 

So, she still thinks you've got a huge patio then?

 

We're not at that stage yet. She makes an awesome curry!

But time will tell