A Yorkshireman takes his cat to the vets and says " I want me cat neutering ". The vet says "is it a Tom?" The man says " no it's in the car"
A retired guy sits around the house all day so one day his wife says, “Joe, you could do something useful, like vacuum the house once a week”. The guy gives it a moment’s thought and says; “sure why not. Show me to the vacuum”. Half an hour later, the guy comes into the kitchen to get some coffee. His wife says, “I didn't hear the vacuum working, I thought you were using it”? Exasperated, Joe answers, ”The stupid thing is broken, it won't start. We need to buy a new one”. “Really”, she says, “show me - it worked fine the last time”. So he did..>>>>>>Click..https://videos.files.wordpress.com/Xblfe4qf/retired-vacum-cleaner_dvd.mp4
After last night watching and laughing at the Brighton v Leeds Utd game it has to be TWS cronic defending. Brighton will never get an easier win all season. The Key Stone Cops would have been so proud of it.
An old man is sitting on his front porch at 6:00 am watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy yells back, "A roll of chicken wire." Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says "Catch some chickens." Old man yells "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" Boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it. Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand. Old man yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy yells back "Roll of duck tape." Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says back "Catch me some ducks." Old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks with duck tape!" Boy just laughs and keeps walking. That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and to the old man's amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it. Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. Old man says "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy says "It's a pussy willow." Old man says "Hold on, I'll get my hat."
I had to write a blog about Switzerland at work today. It was really hard as I couldn't think of much positive to write about it. The flag is a big plus though.
You could have written they didn't invent the cuckoo clock, no matter what Orson Welles said in his famous scene in The Third Man, as a time filler.
Pensioners Bruce and Dave sitting on a park bench, and Bruce says to Dave: "I hope there's football up in heaven, Dave!" "Me too," says Dave, "cos I'll miss the football." Bruce goes on to say: "I tell you what Dave, whoever dies first is to try and get a message back" Months later, Bruce passes on, leaving Dave to be sitting one day alone on the park bench, when all of a sudden Dave hears his name being called: "Dave, Dave, it's me, Bruce! Remember we spoke about if there was football in heaven, I've got good and bad news for you." "What's that?" says Dave. "Well, the good news is that there is football in heaven. " "Oh that's great news, but what's the bad news, Bruce?" "You're in goal this Saturday"
Just viewed a house for sale entirely filled with mirrors. I thought, I could really see myself living there.
Took my son out for his first pint the other day, First round got two pints of carling, he didn't like it, I drank them both. next round I got Stella, he didn't like it, l drank them both. Next was cider, same result, as was three types of bitter and Guinness. By the time it came to leave, I could hardly push his pram!!!
Schrödinger took his cat to vets.... The vet said I've got some good news and some bad news. Staying on the theme... please log in to view this image
