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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Didley Squat

    Didley Squat Well-Known Member

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    I failed miserably ..... l got my mouse caught between her tits!
     
    #1821
    Didley Squat, Jul 13, 2017
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  2. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    what men would do if they had a vagina for a day
    10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

    9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.

    8. See if they could finally do the splits.

    7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.

    6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.

    5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time.

    4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.

    3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.

    2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.

    1. Finally find that damned G-spot.
     
    #1822
    kiwiqpr, Jul 13, 2017
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  3. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    what women would do if they had a penis for a day
    10. Get ahead faster in corporate jobs

    9. Get a blow job.

    8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.

    7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.

    6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.

    5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.

    4. Touch yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem.

    3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.

    2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.

    1. Repeat number 9......
     
    #1823
    kiwiqpr, Jul 13, 2017
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Old lady goes to the dentist, sits on the chair, lowers her panties and lifts her legs up.
    Dentist says "I"m not a Gynecologist."
    "I know," she says "I want you to take my husband"s teeth out."
     
    #1824
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 13, 2017
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    please log in to view this image
     
    #1825
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 13, 2017
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1826
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 13, 2017
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The wife"s not speaking to me, all because I wouldn"t open the car door for her...

    It"s not my fault, I just f*cking panicked and swam to the surface!
     
    #1827
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 13, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A guy gets pulled over by a cop for speeding.
    As the copper is writing up the ticket, the guy asks..."Can you arrest me for calling you a filthy name?"
    "Yes" replies the cop.
    He then asks, "Can you arrest me for thinking something?"
    "No" replies the cop.
    "Well then," says the man, "I think you"re a c*nt!"
     
    #1828
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 13, 2017
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I went out in my new T-shirt that reads, "Minge Is Awesome! But a policeman arrested me on the street.

    Apparently pro fanny tees aren't allowed.
     
    #1829
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 13, 2017
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Paddy and Mick are working at the local sawmill.
    One day, Mick slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw. Paddy quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick to the local hospital.
    Next day, Paddy goes to the hospital and asks after Mick. The nurse says, "Oh he's out in Rehab exercising".
    Paddy couldn't believe it, but there's Mick out the back exercising his now re-attached arm. The very next day he's back at work in the saw mill.
    A couple of days go by, and then Mick slips and severs his leg on another bloody big saw.
    So Paddy puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick off to Hospital.
    Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is. The nurse replies, "He's out in the Rehab again exercising".
    And sure enough, there's Mick out there doing some serious work on the treadmill. And very soon Mick comes back to work.
    But, as usual, within a couple of days he has another accident and severs his head.
    Wearily Paddy puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Mick to hospital.
    Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Mick is. The nurse breaks down and cries and says, "He's dead."
    Paddy is shocked, but not surprised. "I suppose the saw finally did him in."
    "No", says the nurse, "Some dopey bastard put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated.
     
    #1830
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 13, 2017
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Glasgow Rangers have appealed to UEFA to get last weeks Europa League defeat turned around due to their gas fitter in midfield not being corgi registered.
     
    #1831
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 13, 2017
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I went into a pub last night on my way home from work and there was a dwarf sat at the bar in a Manchester City shirt.

    All I said was "Half a bitter" and he went f*cking berserk!
     
    #1832
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 13, 2017
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  13. Didley Squat

    Didley Squat Well-Known Member

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    The young lady in the pink top is simply breastaking! As Sans s says, Yum !
     
    #1833
    Didley Squat, Jul 14, 2017
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  14. Didley Squat

    Didley Squat Well-Known Member

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    How many times am l allowed to like this post?
     
    #1834
    Didley Squat, Jul 14, 2017
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Stop it Didley - you're behaving like a tit ! :)
     
    #1835
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 14, 2017
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Q. What time does Sean Connery arrive at Wimbledon?

    A. Tennish
     
    #1836
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 14, 2017
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1837
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 14, 2017
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I lost a very close friend and drinking partner last week.

    He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.
     
    #1838
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 14, 2017
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I was in the bar when I started chatting to a midget.
    "You seem like a nice and trustworthy person, fancy coming back to mine?" I asked.
    "Looking for a good time, are you?" she said, smiling.
    "No," I replied. "I've lost my keys and you're the only person that can fit through my cat flap."
     
    #1839
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 14, 2017
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I'm going on the Dragons Den asking for funding for my apple pastries.

    I think they'll be happy with my turnover.
     
    #1840
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 14, 2017
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Page 92 of 834
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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