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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    So a fella walks into a pub with a biscuit tin and a mouse.
    He says to the barman: "Watch this". He sticks the mouse on top of the biscuit tin and it starts dancing.
    The barman says: "Blimey, how long does he dance for?"
    "As long as you like," said the fella.
    "I’ll give you £50 for it" says the barman.
    "Sold," said the fella.
    That night the fella gets a call from the barman. "How do we stop the mouse dancing, the tapping is driving us mad?"
    The fella says: "Lift the lid off the biscuit tin and blow out the candle".
     
    #16581
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 11, 2025
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #16582
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 19, 2025
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #16583
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 19, 2025
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #16584
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 19, 2025
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  5. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #16585
    Makemstine Roger, Jun 20, 2025
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #16586
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 1, 2025
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My mate got on the bus the other day with his grandad but there was no seating they had to stand.

    The bus driver said move farther down the bus.

    My mate said "that's not my dad it's my grandad"
     
    #16587
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 3, 2025
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #16588
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 3, 2025
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #16589
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 5, 2025
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I’ve started a dating site for chickens…

    …it’s not my main job. It’s just to make hens meet!
     
    #16590
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 5, 2025
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The most fascinating thing about women's football is I'd say how the hell do you get 11 women to wear the same outfit
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    #16591
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 5, 2025
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I was sitting on a bench in the park next to a homeless man, I asked him how he ended up this way.

    He said "Up until last week I had it all,a cook who cooked my meals, my room was cleaned, my clothes were washed and ironed, I had a roof over my head, TV, Internet, I went to the gym every day the pool, the library and I could still go to school."

    I asked him, "What happened? was it drugs? alcohol? divorce?"

    He replied "Oh no, nothing like that" he said. "No, no....I just got out of prison !"
     
    #16592
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 9, 2025
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  13. Wooperts_duck

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    #16593
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 9, 2025
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  14. Wooperts_duck

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    #16594
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 9, 2025
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  15. Wooperts_duck

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    #16595
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 10, 2025
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Just been to Boots and asked the assistant if they sold Benylin.

    She replied, "For cough?"

    I said "Steady on love, I only asked!"
     
    #16596
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 10, 2025
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #16597
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 15, 2025
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: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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