1. Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!

The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,313
    Likes Received:
    294,203
    Paddy says to his missus where you want to go on holiday this year ?

    She said what about the Canaries ?.

    Paddy replied "Don't worry, the neighbours will look after them".
     
    #16241
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,313
    Likes Received:
    294,203
    A renowned arsonist passed away recently.

    His mother led the tributes by saying: "Wherever he went, he lit up a room.”
     
    #16242
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,313
    Likes Received:
    294,203
    When scientists said the Universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons, they forgot to mention morons.
     
    #16243
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,313
    Likes Received:
    294,203
    please log in to view this image
     
    #16244
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,313
    Likes Received:
    294,203
    please log in to view this image
     
    #16245
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,313
    Likes Received:
    294,203
    please log in to view this image
     
    #16246
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,313
    Likes Received:
    294,203
    please log in to view this image
     
    #16247
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,313
    Likes Received:
    294,203
    My mate walked up to me in the pub last night and said, "Who's the bird sitting in the corner with duct tape across her mouth?"

    "That's my new girlfriend." I replied.

    "Really?" he said, "You've kept that one quiet.
     
    #16248
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,313
    Likes Received:
    294,203
    please log in to view this image
     
    #16249
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,313
    Likes Received:
    294,203
    I was told that after a vasectomy I wouldn’t have kids anymore.

    Imagine my shock when I got home from the hospital, and they were still there.
     
    #16250

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,313
    Likes Received:
    294,203
    I've got a pet chameleon.

    Apparently, he can't change colour.

    He has reptile dysfunction.......
     
    #16251
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,313
    Likes Received:
    294,203
    please log in to view this image
     
    #16252
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,313
    Likes Received:
    294,203
    please log in to view this image
     
    #16253
  14. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    69,194
    Likes Received:
    147,669
    Dave was staring sadly into his pint and sighed heavily.
    "What's up Dave" asked the landlord, "It's not like you to be so down in the mouth"
    "It's my four year old son" the man replied.
    "Don't tell me, he's in trouble for fighting in school? – my lad's just the same – forget about it, it happens to boys that age" said the landlord, sympathetically.
    "I only wish it was that" continued the customer, "but it's far worse than that. The little bastard has got our gorgeous 18 year old next door neighbour pregnant."
    "Get away," gasped the landlord, "that's impossible!"
    "It's not!" said the man, "The little sod stuck a pin in all my condoms."
     
    #16254
  15. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    69,194
    Likes Received:
    147,669
    Walked into a pub in Newcastle and all the locals went quite and gave me funny looks. So I ordered a pint and the barman said "your not from round here"
    "No" I replied "im a taxidermist from Sunderland"
    "Whats a taxidermist???"he asked
    "I mount animals"
    "Its ok lads he's one of us" said the barman !!!!
     
    #16255
  16. Didley Squat

    Didley Squat Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2012
    Messages:
    27,489
    Likes Received:
    65,098
    Classic…..
     
    #16256
  17. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    69,194
    Likes Received:
    147,669
    please log in to view this image
     
    #16257
  18. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2011
    Messages:
    137,393
    Likes Received:
    256,782
  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,313
    Likes Received:
    294,203
    For years four mates each took a week off work to go fishing together.
    This year, Ron’s wife put her foot down and told him he wasn’t going.
    Bitterly disappointed, he phoned the others and told them he wasn’t
    allowed to go.
    Two days later, the other three arrived at their usual campsite only to see Ron sitting there with his tent already set up.
    ‘Ron,’ they said, ‘How did you talk your missus into letting you come?’
    ‘Well, yesterday evening after my wife had finished reading
    ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ she dragged me upstairs and into the bedroom.
    On the bed she’d put handcuffs and ropes.
    She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.
    Then she said ‘Now do whatever you want.
    So here I am.
     
    #16259
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,313
    Likes Received:
    294,203
    please log in to view this image
     
    #16260
    Makemstine Roger likes this.

Share This Page