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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Paddy says to his missus where you want to go on holiday this year ?

    She said what about the Canaries ?.

    Paddy replied "Don't worry, the neighbours will look after them".
     
    #16241
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 28, 2025
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A renowned arsonist passed away recently.

    His mother led the tributes by saying: "Wherever he went, he lit up a room.”
     
    #16242
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 28, 2025
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    When scientists said the Universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons, they forgot to mention morons.
     
    #16243
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 28, 2025
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    please log in to view this image
     
    #16244
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 29, 2025
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #16245
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 29, 2025
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #16246
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 29, 2025
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #16247
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 29, 2025
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My mate walked up to me in the pub last night and said, "Who's the bird sitting in the corner with duct tape across her mouth?"

    "That's my new girlfriend." I replied.

    "Really?" he said, "You've kept that one quiet.
     
    #16248
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 29, 2025
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #16249
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 30, 2025
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I was told that after a vasectomy I wouldn’t have kids anymore.

    Imagine my shock when I got home from the hospital, and they were still there.
     
    #16250
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 30, 2025
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I've got a pet chameleon.

    Apparently, he can't change colour.

    He has reptile dysfunction.......
     
    #16251
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 30, 2025
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #16252
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 31, 2025
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #16253
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 1, 2025
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  14. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    Dave was staring sadly into his pint and sighed heavily.
    "What's up Dave" asked the landlord, "It's not like you to be so down in the mouth"
    "It's my four year old son" the man replied.
    "Don't tell me, he's in trouble for fighting in school? – my lad's just the same – forget about it, it happens to boys that age" said the landlord, sympathetically.
    "I only wish it was that" continued the customer, "but it's far worse than that. The little bastard has got our gorgeous 18 year old next door neighbour pregnant."
    "Get away," gasped the landlord, "that's impossible!"
    "It's not!" said the man, "The little sod stuck a pin in all my condoms."
     
    #16254
    Makemstine Roger, Feb 2, 2025
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  15. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    Walked into a pub in Newcastle and all the locals went quite and gave me funny looks. So I ordered a pint and the barman said "your not from round here"
    "No" I replied "im a taxidermist from Sunderland"
    "Whats a taxidermist???"he asked
    "I mount animals"
    "Its ok lads he's one of us" said the barman !!!!
     
    #16255
    Makemstine Roger, Feb 2, 2025
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  16. Didley Squat

    Didley Squat Well-Known Member

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    Classic…..
     
    #16256
    Didley Squat, Feb 2, 2025
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  17. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #16257
    Makemstine Roger, Feb 2, 2025
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  18. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2025-2-3_7-20-19.png
     
    #16258
    Taffvalerowdy, Feb 3, 2025
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    For years four mates each took a week off work to go fishing together.
    This year, Ron’s wife put her foot down and told him he wasn’t going.
    Bitterly disappointed, he phoned the others and told them he wasn’t
    allowed to go.
    Two days later, the other three arrived at their usual campsite only to see Ron sitting there with his tent already set up.
    ‘Ron,’ they said, ‘How did you talk your missus into letting you come?’
    ‘Well, yesterday evening after my wife had finished reading
    ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ she dragged me upstairs and into the bedroom.
    On the bed she’d put handcuffs and ropes.
    She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.
    Then she said ‘Now do whatever you want.
    So here I am.
     
    #16259
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 4, 2025
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #16260
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 4, 2025
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Page 813 of 830
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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