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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I said to my psychiatrist, “My wife thinks I’m crazy because I like sausages.”

    “I don’t think you’re crazy,” he replied, “I like sausages as well.”

    “Really?” I said, “You should come over to my house and see my collection.”
     
    #16121
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 19, 2024
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Went out to dinner last night.

    The waiter comes over to our table and says " For starters we have Badger Soup, followed by Badger Roast ,and finishing with Badger Mousse".

    I said "Is there anything else to eat apart from Badger?"

    The waiter said, "No, It's a sett menu..."
     
    #16122
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 19, 2024
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Went out to dinner last night.

    The waiter comes over to our table and says " For starters we have Badger Soup, followed by Badger Roast ,and finishing with Badger Mousse".

    I said "Is there anything else to eat apart from Badger?"

    The waiter said, "No, It's a sett menu..."
     
    #16123
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 19, 2024
    Makemstine Roger and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    please log in to view this image
     
    #16124
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 20, 2024
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #16125
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 20, 2024
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #16126
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 20, 2024
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I went to buy a lottery ticket for myself, and one for my dog.

    The girl said "Your dog can't buy one"

    "Yes he can" I told her, "the advert says players must be 18,or Rover"
     
    #16127
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 20, 2024
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #16128
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 20, 2024
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  9. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2024-12-20_22-13-39.png
     
    #16129
    Taffvalerowdy, Dec 20, 2024
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #16130
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 20, 2024
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The man who invented the automatic tennis ball serving machine, is celebrating his birthday.

    Many happy returns!
     
    #16131
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 20, 2024
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #16132
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 21, 2024
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #16133
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 21, 2024
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series Of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.
    Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put.
    He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.
    In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
    ...A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him.
    He started yelling, cursing , and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.
    As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely containing his laughter), and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?"
    The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just beat the s*it out of a ghost."
     
    #16134
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 21, 2024
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #16135
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 21, 2024
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #16136
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 21, 2024
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #16137
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 21, 2024
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I went in our local toy shop christmas shopping and asked if they had the board game Operation.

    They said yes, but there's a 2 year waiting list.
     
    #16138
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 21, 2024
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    "Can you get some bleach, washing powder and some shake and vac while you're out?" My wife asked.

    "Can you not wait until you’ve opened your presents tomorrow?" I replied.
     
    #16139
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 24, 2024
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I was in the pub last night and this girl said to me, "Would you like a drink?"

    I said, "You're a bit forward aren't you?"

    She said, "I'm the barmaid you Dick"
     
    #16140
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 24, 2024
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: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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