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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I got a job as tester at the Viagra factory.

    It was hard
     
    #16081
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 9, 2024
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The local Chinese restaurant decided to diversify, and ( in the owners own words) was going to open a "crows"shop.

    I said to the owner (Ming), don't you mean "clothes shop"?

    "No" he replied, " come and take a Rook".
     
    #16082
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 9, 2024
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Husband and wife decide to make a password for sex, they decide on ‘washing machine’.
    Later in bed that night husband says, “Washing machine.”
    Wife replies, “Not tonight darling I have a headache.”
    Half an hour passes and she feels guilty so she says, “Washing machine.”
    Husband replies, “Too late it was only a small load so I decided to do it by hand.”
     
    #16083
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 11, 2024
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I’ve just received a notification that, due to budget cuts, my local pantomime can only afford 6 Dwarfs for their production of “Snow White”.

    No-one’s Happy.
     
    #16084
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 11, 2024
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    At this time of year I love sitting in front of a roaring fire, sipping mulled wine and listening to Christmas songs until I fall asleep.

    Probably why I lost my job as a firefighter.
     
    #16085
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 11, 2024
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    please log in to view this image
     
    #16086
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 12, 2024
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #16087
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 12, 2024
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My grandad was a dyslexic baker during WW2.

    He used to go in all buns glazing.
     
    #16088
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 12, 2024
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I was on my way home from a Xmas party and got pulled over by the police, the copper said..”you been drinking?”

    “Yes officer!” How much have you consumed?” I said..”ten or eleven pints of lager, seven or eight shorts and several glasses of wine!”

    He looked at me sternly and said…“that’s a lot of alcohol you’ve consumed tonight but it’s still not a valid reason for letting your wife drive!”
     
    #16089
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 12, 2024
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #16090
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 12, 2024
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #16091
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 12, 2024
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #16092
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 12, 2024
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The inventor of the ballet skirt was struggling for a name for his invention.
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    Finally he put tu and tu together.
     
    #16093
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 13, 2024
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #16094
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 13, 2024
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #16095
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 13, 2024
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #16096
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 13, 2024
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #16097
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 13, 2024
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  18. Didley Squat

    Didley Squat Well-Known Member

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    Just put a new ensuite to our bedroom.
    Wife doesn’t like the colour.

    IMG_2488.jpeg
     
    #16098
    Didley Squat, Dec 14, 2024
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My Grandad, aged 92, is on three viagra each night.

    The doctor said it would stop him rolling out of bed.
     
    #16099
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 14, 2024
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Just bought the new Cluedo swinger's edition.

    It turns out they all did it in every room.....
     
    #16100
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 15, 2024
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: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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