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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #15961
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 11, 2024
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    An Irishmen wanting to become a Priest went to see the Bishop who said "You must answer 3 questions on the Bible".

    "1st - Who was born in a stable?"

    "Shergar" he replied

    "2nd - What do you think of Damascus ?"

    "It kills 99% of all germs" he replied.

    "3rd - What happened when the disciples went to Mount Olive ?"

    "That’s easy" he said "Popeye kicked the crap out of them!!"
     
    #15962
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 11, 2024
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #15963
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 12, 2024
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  4. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    well gwapple me gwape nuts as Bellamy says, it's the widow next doors, she's done for him 7 times before all the others was an Enry she wouldn't have a willy or a Sam bo


     
    #15964
    Makemstine Roger, Nov 12, 2024
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #15965
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 12, 2024
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I'd been seeing this nurse for a few days and we finally got round to sex.
    As I stripped off I said, "You must have seen a few manhood's where you work, how do you rate mine?"
    She said, "It's slightly bigger than average."
    "Thanks." I said, "What sort of nursing do you do anyway?"
    She said, "I'm a Pediatrician."
     
    #15966
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 12, 2024
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Ok, not happy.
    Just been into TESCO’s and it was nuts, yet again they had no toilet paper at all.
    Reluctantly i headed to the checkout and ask if they had any more and they said firmly “NO” almost to the point of being rude !!!!
    Walking back to the toilet with my trousers and pants around my ankles was a walk i never want to have to do again.
     
    #15967
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 12, 2024
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    ~NOTE TO ALL PREMATURE CHRISTMAS DECORATORS~

    Calm down, Mary hasn’t even told Joseph she’s pregnant yet!
     
    #15968
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 14, 2024
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  9. Wooperts_duck

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    #15969
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 15, 2024
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  10. Wooperts_duck

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    #15970
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 15, 2024
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  11. Wooperts_duck

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    #15971
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 15, 2024
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  12. Wooperts_duck

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    #15972
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 16, 2024
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  13. Wooperts_duck

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    #15973
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 16, 2024
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  14. Wooperts_duck

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    A lad was hunting when a gust of wind blew his rifle over and discharged, shooting him in the genitals. Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor.

    "Well, sir, I have some good news & some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be okay . . . . the damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage, and we were able to remove all of the buckshot."

    "What's the bad news ?" asked the hunter.

    "The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your willy that left quite a few holes in it, so I'm going to have to refer you to my sister."

    "Well, I guess that isn't too bad," the hunter replied. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"

    "No . . . .she's a flautist with the London Symphony Orchestra, and she's going to teach you where to put your fingers so that you don't pee in your eye."
     
    #15974
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 16, 2024
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Just answered a knock on the door. Fella standing there holding a clip board. 'T.V. licencing,' he said, 'You don't seem to have a licence to watch your television.

    ' I said, 'I do.' So I showed him. He said, ' But this is a photostat copy of last year's.' I said, 'Yes, that's right. All that's on are repeats.'
     
    #15975
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 16, 2024
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  16. Wooperts_duck

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    #15976
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 16, 2024
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  17. Wooperts_duck

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    "You should buy some curtains!", my neighbour told me, "Every night I can see you & your wife having sex."

    "You should buy some new glasses!" I replied, "You'd see that it's your wife."
     
    #15977
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 16, 2024
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink last night.

    I'm now in hospital, waiting to be seen...
     
    #15978
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 16, 2024
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  19. Wooperts_duck

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    #15979
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 17, 2024
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  20. Wooperts_duck

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    #15980
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 17, 2024
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Page 799 of 830
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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