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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Some mornings I wake up bitchy

    Other mornings I let her sleep......
     
    #1561
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 11, 2017
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1562
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 11, 2017
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Raheem Stirling! 11 attempts and still couldn't get a cross in the box!

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    #1563
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 11, 2017
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I'm sick of people posting jokes about how Scousers don't have jobs. Just yesterday I saw four Scouse removal men hard at work over at my neighbours house. Working so hard infact, they were using the window instead of the front door. Running back and forward to speed up the removal.

    And most efficient of all they were doing this at three in the morning.
     
    #1564
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 11, 2017
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Just heard the official song for the England women's football team.

    Steam Irons on a shirt.
     
    #1565
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 11, 2017
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    An attorney got home late one evening, after a very taxing day trying to get a stay of execution for a client, James Wright, who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last-minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
    As soon as he got through the door at home, his wife started on him about, "What time of night do you call this? Where have you been?" And on and on.
    Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whisky and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks.
    While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client had been granted his stay of execution after all.
    Finally realizing what a day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs to give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband's rear end as he was bent over naked drying his legs and feet.
    "They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said.
    He whirled around and screamed, "FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, WOMAN DON'T YOU EVER STOP!"
     
    #1566
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 11, 2017
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1567
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 11, 2017
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1568
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 11, 2017
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A guy goes to the doctor and says
    "I"ve got a cricket ball stuck up my arse".
    The doctor says "How"s that?", and the guy replies
    "Don"t you fu*king start".
     
    #1569
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 11, 2017
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1570
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 11, 2017
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1571
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 11, 2017
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  12. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
     
    #1572
    kiwiqpr, Jun 12, 2017
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My work colleague asked me, "Why do you keep a picture of your wife on your desk if you hate her so much?"

    I replied, "In case I'm tempted to take a day off!"
     
    #1573
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 12, 2017
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Unbelievable. Theresa May has spent all day putting together a new cabinet.

    The countries in a total mess and she's f*cking about with furniture!
     
    #1574
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 12, 2017
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1575
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 12, 2017
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Never going on EBay again!
    Ordered a Dyson and just look what they sent!

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    #1576
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 12, 2017
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1577
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 12, 2017
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.


    I'll let you know!
     
    #1578
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 12, 2017
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1579
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 12, 2017
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Why don't the Chinese like Elton John?

    Because sorry seems to be the hardest word.
     
    #1580
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 12, 2017
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Page 79 of 834
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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