The barnsley joke page

A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant. "No, no, no!" insisted the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

 

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CHINESE SICK LEAVE: 'I NO COME WORK TODAY.'
Wong Chow calls into work and says, 'I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work..'
The boss says, 'You know something, WongChow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work.. You try that.'
Two hours later Wong Chow calls again. 'I do what you say and I feel great... I be at work soon.....You got nice house.'

 

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I hope it pours with rain next Saturday, Rog!

Remember the 4-1 stuffing we give you a few years back, when your lot struggled to play in wet conditions

 

I had some of those on 31st March, 2019 at Wembley when we beat your lot in the Checkatrade Trophy on penalties. A fine day out for us Southerners

 

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I’ve just ordered my son the board game “Operation” for Christmas

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as there’s a 3 month waiting list.

 

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'Two Tier' Keir Starmer - the biggest joke of them all....

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A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis only to find a British soldier selling regimental ties.
The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"
The soldier replied, "There is no water, the well is dry. Would you like to buy a tie instead? They are only £5."
The Taliban shouted, "You idiot infidel! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!"
"OK," said the soldier, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that, and that I am a much better human being than you. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find our Sergeant's Mess club. It has all the ice cold water you need. Inshallah."
Cursing him, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.
Several hours later he staggered back, collapsed with dehydration & rasped:
"They won't let me in without a bloody tie!”

 

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During my wife's labour, the nurse came up to me and said, "How about Epidural Anaesthesia?"

I said, "Thanks, but we've already picked a name."