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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

Page 765 of 830
  1. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2024-6-17_22-47-14.png
     
    #15281
    Taffvalerowdy, Jun 17, 2024
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #15282
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 18, 2024
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  3. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    changed his name from Shatner Shatnhis
     
    #15283
    Makemstine Roger, Jun 19, 2024
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #15284
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 19, 2024
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #15285
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 19, 2024
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #15286
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 19, 2024
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I made soup entirely from ingredients extracted from the atmosphere...

    It was a broth of fresh air.
     
    #15287
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 19, 2024
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I accidentally spilled invisible ink all over myself.

    Now I'm at the hospital waiting to be seen.......
     
    #15288
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 19, 2024
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Panty Liners.

    Worst cruise I've ever been on..
     
    #15289
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 19, 2024
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I accidently paid for my groceries with my library card.

    My macaroni and cheese is due back next Monday.
     
    #15290
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 19, 2024
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I'm no good at DIY so I employed a handyman.

    I gave him a list of jobs to do from 1 to 10 but he only did numbers 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9.

    Turns out he only does odd jobs.
     
    #15291
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 19, 2024
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Someone’s just rang me sneezed and hung up.

    I hate them cold callers
     
    #15292
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 19, 2024
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  13. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    The Reverend John Flapps was the pastor of a small town church in Ireland.

    One day he was walking down the High Street and he noticed a young lady of his congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer.

    The Reverend wasn't happy. He walked through the open door of the pub and sat down next to the woman.

    'Mrs Fitzgerald,' he said sternly. 'This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't you let me take you home?’

    'Sure,' she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.

    When Mrs Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth.

    The Reverend realized that she'd had far too much to drink and grabbed her arms to steady her.

    When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor.

    After rolling around for a few moments, the Reverend wound up on top of Mrs. Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist.

    The pub landlord looked over and said, 'Oi Mate, we won't have any of that carrying on in this pub.'

    The Reverend looked up at the landlord and said, 'But you don't understand, I'm Pastor Flapps.'

    The landlord nodded and said,well if you’ve gone that far you may as well finish
     
    #15293
    Taffvalerowdy, Jun 19, 2024
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  14. Didley Squat

    Didley Squat Well-Known Member

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    New service on offer….

    We mow them down, and scatter their ashes all in one transaction.
    One moment, their walking the pavement, next, their being scattered next to it.

    We get your sh!t done while you wait!

    upload_2024-6-21_7-44-29.jpeg
     
    #15294
    Didley Squat, Jun 20, 2024
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd break into a distillery.

    Daffy turns to Elmer and says: “Is this Whiskey?”

    Elmer says: “Yeth but not as withky as wobbing a bank!!”
     
    #15295
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 20, 2024
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A young lady went to her doctor with a bad cough.

    He asked her to open her blouse so he could listen to her chest, which she did.

    On putting the stethoscope on her chest, he said "Big breath", and she said "Yeth, and I am only thixteen".
     
    #15296
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 20, 2024
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    If you boil a funny bone

    You get a laughing stock
     
    #15297
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 21, 2024
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #15298
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 21, 2024
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #15299
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 21, 2024
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  20. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #15300
    Makemstine Roger, Jun 22, 2024
Page 765 of 830
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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