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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1501
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 4, 2017
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    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1502
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    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1503
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1504
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1506
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 4, 2017
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    No Comment Needed.
     
    #1507
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 4, 2017
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Hollywood Lessons:
    1. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
    2. Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
    3. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach the armpit level of a woman, but only the waist level of the man lying beside her
    .4. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
    5. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
    6. All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
    7. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least a half-hour to escape.
    8. You"re very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
    9. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
    10. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
    11. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
    12. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
    13. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they"re going to go off, but luckily you"ll always blindly choose to cut the right wire.
    14. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
    15. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
     
    #1508
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 5, 2017
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1509
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1510
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  11. Wooperts_duck

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    #1511
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 5, 2017
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  12. Wooperts_duck

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    Waiter, there's a heir in my soup.....
     
    #1512
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 5, 2017
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1513
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 5, 2017
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  14. Wooperts_duck

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    My wife and I were so proud of our daughter standing in front of us after trying on her Wedding Dress.

    "Give us a twirl," said my wife.

    The proudest moment of my life and all that fat bitch wants is chocolate!
     
    #1514
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 5, 2017
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  15. Wooperts_duck

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    #1515
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 5, 2017
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    #1516
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 5, 2017
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  17. Wooperts_duck

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    #1517
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 5, 2017
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  18. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Subject: car buying the senior way

    A retired older couple returned to a Mercedes dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they had been interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde in a mini skirt and a halter-top.
    The old man was visibly upset. He spoke to the salesman sharply, "Young man, I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the
    $95,000 asking price. Yet I just overheard you closed the deal for
    $75,000 to the lovely young lady there. And if I remember right, you had insisted there was no way you could discount this model."
    The salesman took a deep breath, cleared his throat, and reached for a large glass of water. "Well, what can I tell you? She had the cash ready, didn't need any financing help, and, Sir, just look at her, how could I resist?” replied the grinning salesman sheepishly.
    Just then the young woman approached the senior couple and gave the car keys to the old man.
    "There you go," she said. "I told you I could get that idiot to lower the price. See you later Dad,

    Once again.... don't mess with seniors!
     
    #1518
    kiwiqpr, Jun 6, 2017
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1519
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 6, 2017
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  20. Wooperts_duck

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    #1520
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 6, 2017
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: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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