The barnsley joke page

I walked out of my job at the helium balloon factory

I won't be spoken to in that tone of voice

 

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My local Cabbie in London is known as Robin Hood.

He only drives between Bow and Harrow.....

 

A teacher asked the class,
"What's the name of Robin Hood's girlfriend ?"
Little Paddy says, "Trudy Glen.'
"No", said the teacher, "It's Maid Marion."
Paddy says, "Then why do they sing,
Robin Hood, Robin Hood, Riding Trudy Glen".

 

I went to see my doctor this morning.
"How can I help you?" she asked.
"I found a lump while I was in the bath," I replied, pointing downwards.
"Oh right," she said, "Take your trousers down for me."
After having a good old feel of my bollocks for a few minutes, she said, "I can't feel a lump."
I said, "It's on my toe."

 

The keynote speaker was in such a hurry to get to the venue that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that had forgotten his dentures.
Turning to the man next to him, he whispered, “I forgot my teeth!”
The man said, “No problem.” With that he reached into his briefcase and pulled out a pair of dentures. “Try these,” he said. The speaker tried them.
“Too loose,” he said.
The man dug around in his briefcase again. “Here, try these.”
The speaker tried them and responded. “Too tight.”
The man didn’t seem taken aback at all. He dug around in his briefcase again. “Here, I have this pair. Give them a try.”
The speaker smiled. “They fit perfectly.” He ate his meal and gave his speech without any further troubles.
After the event concluded, the speaker went over to thank his benefactor and return the spare dentures.
“I want to thank you for coming to my rescue. Where is your office? I’ve been looking for a good dentist.”
“Oh, I’m not a dentist,” the man replied:

“I’m the funeral director.”

 

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Just applied for a job in Seoul.

Looks like a good Korea move!

 

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The news of a possible take-over of Royal Mail puts a whole new take on, "Putting a Czech in the Post".