The barnsley joke page

Due to start my new job in France as a guillotine operator shortly.

Beheading there soon........

 

Woman walks into a pet shop looking to buy a talking parrot.
Shopkeeper tells her he has 2 for sale
1 is £300 the other £50.
The woman asks "Why only £50?"
"That parrot used to live in a brothel" the shopkeeper informs her.
Laughing she bought the £50 parrot.
Takes it home, places the parrot and cage on the dining room table.
The parrot squawks " A new brothel"
The woman laughs.... Her 2 daughters return home from college.
The parrot squawks .."New girls"
Mother and daughters burst into tears of laughter.
The husband then arrives home from work
The parrot lets out a SQUAWK SQUAWK
"NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN KEITH"

 

Mick and Paddy are on a cruise.

Paddy says "It's awfully quiet on deck tonight".

Mick replied "Everyone will be watching the band"

Paddy says "There isn't a band playing tonight".

Mick replied "I definitely heard someone say 'A band on ship' ".........

 

please log in to view this image

 

That's almost as funny as my version (just above yours).........

 

A father asks his 10-year-old son if he knows about the birds and the bees:

"I don't want to know." The child says, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me."

Confused, the father asks. “What's wrong?”

"Oh, dad." The boy sobs. "When I was six, I got the "There's no Santa' speech. At seven, I got the "There's no Easter Bunny' speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the "There's no tooth fairy' speech. If you're going to tell me that adults don't really f**k, I'll have nothing left to live for."

 

please log in to view this image

 

please log in to view this image