The barnsley joke page

So, The Beatles have a new song out, The Rolling Stones are No 1 in the album charts.

How far did the clocks go back last week?

 

please log in to view this image

 

My wife packed my bags today after finding out that I had a one night stand with another woman.
"I want you to go!" she screamed.
I said, "Please, can we at least talk about it first?"
"Go on, I'm listening." she replied.
I then sat down, took a deep breath and said, "It was the most amazing experience of my entire life."

 

please log in to view this image

 

“I recall my first time with a condom, I was 15 or so. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, ‘No, this is my first time.’

So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty.

‘Just a minute,’ she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. ‘Do these excite you?’ She asked.

Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.

‘Well, come on’, she said, ‘We don’t have much time.’ So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOWWWWWWWW, I was done within a few moments.

She looked at me with a bit of a frown. ‘Did you put that condom on?’ she asked.

I said, ‘I sure did,’ and held up my thumb to show her.

She fainted.”

 

please log in to view this image

 

please log in to view this image

 

The recommended age for a Ouija board is 8.

So you must be 21 to drink alcohol but only 8 to summon demons.

 

please log in to view this image

 

please log in to view this image

 

90% of all electric vehicles are still on the road.

The other 10% made it home....

 

We must all do our bit for the planet

I’ve just unplugged a row of electric cars, that no one was using.