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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The funeral for the man that invented Tupperware, was delayed while they tried to find the right lid for his coffin.
     
    #14121
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 26, 2023
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #14122
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 27, 2023
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #14123
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 27, 2023
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #14124
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 27, 2023
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #14125
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 27, 2023
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #14126
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 27, 2023
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The sweater I bought was picking up static electricity.

    I returned it to the store. They gave me another one

    Free of charge.......
     
    #14127
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 27, 2023
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I decided to stop worrying about my wife's driving and take advantage of it.

    I got one of those bumper stickers that say, "How's My Driving?" and put an 0800 number on it.

    At 50 pence a call, l've been making a fortune
     
    #14128
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 28, 2023
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Six golf clubs go into a bar and one says: "5 lagers and a coke please".

    "Don’t you mean 6 lagers?" asks the barman.

    "No …. coke for me …….

    I’m the driver !"
     
    #14129
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 28, 2023
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I love bowling jokes.

    They're right up my alley !
     
    #14130
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 28, 2023
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    As the Kardashians celebrate their 20th and final season.

    I would LIKE to congratulate myself for never watching a single episode.
     
    #14131
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 28, 2023
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #14132
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 29, 2023
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #14133
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 29, 2023
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My mate told me that he once dated a twin.

    I asked "How could you tell them apart?"

    He replied "Maria painted her nails red, and Tony had a moustache".....
     
    #14134
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 30, 2023
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    As I was getting in to bed, she said "Your'e drunk!"

    I said "How do you know?"

    She replied "Because you live next door!".....
     
    #14135
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 1, 2023
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I went to the doctors the other day, and he told me I've got hypochondria.

    I said I'm not surprised, as I've got everything else....
     
    #14136
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 2, 2023
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I was sat on the edge of my bed last night, pulling my boxers off.

    My wife said to me "you spoil those dogs!"....
     
    #14137
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 5, 2023
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I used to play in a band called Cats Eyes.

    We played middle of the road stuff....
     
    #14138
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 9, 2023
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I have SEX DAILY.

    Sorry, I meant DYSLEXIA....
     
    #14139
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 9, 2023
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My bank called me this morning, and said there had been some suspicious bulk buying of aftershaves on my bank account.

    They thought my card has been cologned....
     
    #14140
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 9, 2023
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Page 707 of 830
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