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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I've just finished converting my van to electric.

    I swapped the diesel engine for the motor from a tumble dryer, it wouldn't start at first, then I realised I hadn't shut the door properly! I then took it for a spin!
     
    #14021
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 10, 2023
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    When I get something stuck in my throat, I just dislodge it with a cold beer.

    It's called the Heineken Manoeuvre....
     
    #14022
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 10, 2023
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    "A £1 to look after your car mister?" said the young street kid after I'd parked in the city.

    "Don't think so son" pointing to my Doberman lying on the back seat.

    "Ah right" he replied, "any good at putting out fires is he?
     
    #14023
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 10, 2023
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    please log in to view this image
     
    #14024
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 10, 2023
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  5. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2023-8-10_23-2-1.png
     
    #14025
    Taffvalerowdy, Aug 10, 2023
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  6. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2023-8-10_23-24-40.png
     
    #14026
    Taffvalerowdy, Aug 10, 2023
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #14027
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 11, 2023
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    "Can you read that car's number plate from here?" asked my instructor today.

    "Yes!" I replied, "Now can you please open the fuki'n parachute!"
     
    #14028
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 11, 2023
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #14029
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 11, 2023
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #14030
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 11, 2023

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #14031
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 14, 2023
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #14032
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 14, 2023
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #14033
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 17, 2023
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #14034
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 17, 2023
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A little girl complained to her father,
    "Daddy, I wish I had a little sister!"
    Trying to be funny, her father joked, "But honey, you already have a sister!"
    Confused, the toddler asked, "I do?"
    "Sure," her dad said, pulling the kid's chain. "You don't see her because every time you come in the front door, she scoots out the back door!"
    The confused toddler thought for a moment and then beamed, "You mean just like my other daddy!"
     
    #14035
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 17, 2023
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #14036
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 17, 2023
  17. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2023-8-18_19-5-6.png
     
    #14037
    Taffvalerowdy, Aug 18, 2023
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I've just walked past a butcher shop and saw a sign in the window 'Turkey from £30'

    I thought bloody hell, that's £300 cheaper than 'Thomas Cook'............
     
    #14038
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 18, 2023
  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I have a job interview at Lego Land tomorrow.

    I’m bricking it !!..........
     
    #14039
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 18, 2023
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    William Shakespeare walks into a bar, before he can order anything the landlord says

    "Get out, you’re Bard"
     
    #14040
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 18, 2023
Page 702 of 830
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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