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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

Page 692 of 825
  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13821
    Wooperts_duck, May 11, 2023
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13822
    Wooperts_duck, May 12, 2023
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13823
    Wooperts_duck, May 12, 2023
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13824
    Wooperts_duck, May 13, 2023
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I woke up to go to the toilet in the middle of the night (as I often do) & I noticed a strange individual who looked like a terrorist with a knife in his hand, sneaking through my next door neighbour’s back garden.
    Suddenly my neighbour came from nowhere and smacked him over the head with a shovel, killing him instantly.
    He then dug a grave in the vegie patch and put the body in it and covered it.
    Astonished, I got back into bed. As I tossed and turned
    my wife said, "You're upset, what is it?"
    "You'll never believe what I've just seen," I said.
    ”What” she said
    "That bastard next door has still got my shovel.".
     
    #13825
    Wooperts_duck, May 14, 2023
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Quasimodo went to his doctor.
    "How can I help you,' asked the doctor."
    I just don't feel right,' replied Quasimodo
    "OK,can you take off all your clothes and we'll try to find out what's wrong." said the doctor.
    Quasimodo took off ten vests,eight shirts and fourteen jumpers.
    ''When was the last time you took off all your clothes?" asked the doctor.
    "When I was at school" replied Quasimodo.
    "Did you never wonder what happened to your school bag" replied the doctor.
     
    #13826
    Wooperts_duck, May 14, 2023
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A guy with constipation is sat in the public toilets trying his best, after a few minutes he hears footsteps come rushing in, & the cubicle door next to him slams shut noisily,after a second or two he hears an almighty explosive sh#tting, f#rting noise.
    He says " I wish I could do that "
    The voice from the next cubicle says
    "I bet you don't I couldn't get my trousers down in time "
     
    #13827
    Wooperts_duck, May 14, 2023
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Little Johnny is visiting his Grandad on the farm ..
    He races into the Farmhouse and yells excitedly to his Grandad :
    "Hey Grandad , the bull is sh*gging the cow" ..
    Grandad informs Johnny that he Won't tolerate this sort of "playground language" on his farm and that in future if Johnny wants to inform him about such things , he should say something like ,
    "Grandad , the bull is 'surprising' the cow .."
    A few weeks later Johnny is again visiting the farm ..
    Once again he comes racing in and yells :
    "Grandad the bull is surprising the cows .."
    Grandad says to Johnny :
    "I'm SO pleased to hear that after my conversation with you , a few weeks ago , you have cleaned up your language ..
    However , your grammar is not quite correct ..
    It is not "the bull is surprising the cows".
    It is , "the Bull is surprising the cow" ..
    The bull can only surprise ONE cow at a time"..
    Johnny replies :
    "No Grandad , the bull is REALLY surprising ALL the cows , because he's
    Sh*gging the horse ...!!"
     
    #13828
    Wooperts_duck, May 14, 2023
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13829
    Wooperts_duck, May 14, 2023
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13830
    Wooperts_duck, May 14, 2023
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  11. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #13831
    Makemstine Roger, May 15, 2023
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  12. Wooperts_duck

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    #13832
    Wooperts_duck, May 15, 2023
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  13. Wooperts_duck

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    #13833
    Wooperts_duck, May 16, 2023
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  14. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2023-5-16_14-40-51.png
     
    #13834
    Taffvalerowdy, May 16, 2023
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13835
    Wooperts_duck, May 16, 2023
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13836
    Wooperts_duck, May 16, 2023
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Hunting Dog For Sale.......
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    #13837
    Wooperts_duck, May 16, 2023
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I started doing some impressions of old TV detectives in the pub last night.
    Telly Savalas aka Kojak, “Who loves ya baby?”
    Peter Falk aka Colombo, "Just one more thing.”
    Humphrey Bogart, “Play it again Sam.”
    After a couple of others I noticed a young lady taking a lot of interest and asked her, “Would you like to see my Dick Tracy?”

    She said, “Yes please, but my names not Tracy!”
     
    #13838
    Wooperts_duck, May 16, 2023
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  19. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    A blond woman goes to the hospital.

    "What seems to be the problem?" asked the Doctor.
    "Something is terribly wrong, I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina."

    The Doctor had a look, chuckled and said "Those aren't postage stamps my dear,
    they're the stickers off the bananas"
     
    #13839
    Makemstine Roger, May 17, 2023
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  20. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #13840
    Makemstine Roger, May 17, 2023
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Page 692 of 825
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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