The barnsley joke page

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Preacher, arriving in a small town to be guest speaker at a local church, wanted to mail a letter to his family back home.
However, he didn’t know where the post office was. After looking around for a while, he stopped a young girl on a bike and asked her for directions.
The 7 year old girl replied, “I can show you the way, follow me.”
After they had arrived at the post office, the preacher turned to the little girl and said: “Thank you for your help. If you come to church this evening, I’ll tell you about Jesus and how to get to heaven.”
“Nah, I don’t think so,” answered the girl.
“Why not?” asked the surprised priest.
The girl replied, “You don’t even know your way to the post office!”

 

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A businessman is getting on a flight when he hears from another
passenger that the Pope is going to be on the flight.
... "WOW, great!" he thinks, being a devout Christian, "What a good place
to be today."
Just before the aircraft doors are closed the Pope enters the plane Airplane
and sits next to him.
I am surely blessed the man thinks. Here I am, a good Catholic on a
flight with the Pope sitting next to me.
The plane takes off and after a few minutes the passengers take off
their seat belts.
The man looks sideways and sees the Pope reaching into his bag to take
out a crossword book. Marvelous, he thinks, not only am I blessed with
the Pope next to me but he does crosswords and so do I. He notices
that the Pope is working his way through the puzzle, and that the Pope
is tapping his pencil.
The Pope turns to him and says, "I usually don't talk to anyone on
flights, but I wonder if you can help me?"
"Anything, your Eminence ... What is it?"
"Do you know a four letter word that ends in 'u-n-t' that means
something associated with women?"
The man feels uncomfortable. He thinks and thinks. Finally he says,
"The only word I can think of is aunt."
The Pope looks at him and asks, "Do you have an eraser?"

 

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I've just had a phone call from my mate.
He said...."You won't believe this, I entered a competition last month and I've only gone and won first prize".
I said "That's brilliant...what's the prize"?
He replied..."A week in Ibiza, for me and 3 mates, all inclusive, a 5☆ hotel, with £2,000 spending money....are you free between 20th and 27th of August"?
I said...."Of course I am".
He then said...
"Great.....can you put my wheelie bin out".

 

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