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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    On hearing that my elderly grandfather had passed away, i went straight to my grandparents house to visit my 99 year old grandmother to comfort her. I asked her how my grandfather had died. She said He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning. I was shocked that two people nearly a 100 were still having sex. She replied many years ago we figured out the best time to do it was on a Sunday morning when the church bells started to ring. It was just the right rhythm nice and slow. Nothing too strenuous simply in on the ding and out on the dong.

    She paused and wiped away a tear, he’d still be alive if the bloody ice cream van hadn’t come along…..
     
    #13081
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 13, 2022
    San Diego, Gordon Armstrong and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  2. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #13082
    Taffvalerowdy, Oct 13, 2022
    San Diego, Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    While many complain about life in general and the cost of living etc, I am sitting on a sofa that costs £3,500, lovely and cool in front of an air-con unit costing £2,300, watching the latest film on a 70" smart TV that costs £4,000

    Right now, I'm happy, with no worries and not a care in the world, not even the employees at John Lewis, who keep asking me to leave can spoil my day.
     
    #13083
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 13, 2022
    San Diego, Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I took my wife out for our anniversary dinner last night and she kept saying she wanted to pay for the meal.

    "Don't be stupid," I said, "we're halfway down the road now, just keep running".
     
    #13084
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 13, 2022
    San Diego, Makemstine Roger and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  5. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #13085
    Taffvalerowdy, Oct 13, 2022
    San Diego, Makemstine Roger and Wooperts_duck like this.
  6. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #13086
    Taffvalerowdy, Oct 13, 2022
    San Diego, Makemstine Roger and Wooperts_duck like this.
  7. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #13087
    Taffvalerowdy, Oct 13, 2022
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  8. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #13088
    Taffvalerowdy, Oct 13, 2022
    San Diego, Makemstine Roger and Wooperts_duck like this.
  9. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #13089
    Taffvalerowdy, Oct 14, 2022
    San Diego, Wooperts_duck and Makemstine Roger like this.
  10. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #13090
    Taffvalerowdy, Oct 14, 2022
    San Diego, Wooperts_duck, Makemstine Roger and 1 other person like this.

  11. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #13091
    Taffvalerowdy, Oct 14, 2022
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  12. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #13092
    Makemstine Roger, Oct 14, 2022
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Paddy went to the train station and asked the ticket office for a one-way ticket to jeopardy.

    The clerk said there's no such place.

    Paddy replied, look, it said on the news last night there's 3000 jobs in jeopardy and i want to get there NOW!!.
     
    #13093
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 14, 2022
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  14. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #13094
    Makemstine Roger, Oct 14, 2022
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  15. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #13095
    Taffvalerowdy, Oct 15, 2022
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  16. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #13096
    Taffvalerowdy, Oct 15, 2022
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  17. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #13097
    Taffvalerowdy, Oct 15, 2022
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13098
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 15, 2022
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13099
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 15, 2022
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  20. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #13100
    Taffvalerowdy, Oct 16, 2022
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Page 655 of 830
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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