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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    I start my new job as an apprentice bell ringer tomorrow !

    It's my first day, so they'll just be showing me the ropes.....
     
    #12961
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 15, 2022
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    I should maybe buy her dinner first !

    please log in to view this image
     
    #12962
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 15, 2022
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #12963
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 16, 2022
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  4. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    A hungry bloke walks into a seedy cafe in Glasgow.......
    He sits at the counter and notices a Jock with his arms folded staring blankly at a bowl of chilli.
    After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the
    hungry bloke bravely asks,
    "If you aren't going to eat that, mind if I do?"
    The old Jock slowly turns his head toward the young bloke and says,
    "Nah, ye can gae ahead."
    Eagerly, the young bloke reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight.
    He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chilli.
    The sight was shocking and he immediately pukes up the chilli back into the bowl.
    The old Jock says:- "Aye, that's as far as I got too".
     
    #12964
    Makemstine Roger, Sep 19, 2022
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  5. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #12965
    Makemstine Roger, Sep 19, 2022
    San Diego, Wooperts_duck and Didley Squat like this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #12966
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 20, 2022
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #12967
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 20, 2022
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.
    His bookkeeper is deaf and dumb. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would never have to testify in court.
    When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.
    The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!"
    The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where's the money?
    Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
    The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
    The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"
    The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."
    Guido trembles and signs, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house."
    The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"
    The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger!"
     
    #12968
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 21, 2022
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.
    She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, “I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease, it's just that you look so much like my late son."
    He answered, "That's okay."
    "I know it's silly, but if you'd call out Goodbye, Mum, as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."
    She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mum."
    The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him.
    Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his shopping.
    "That comes to £121.85," said the assistant.
    "How come so much? I only bought 3 items!"
    The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things too."
     
    #12969
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 21, 2022
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #12970
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 21, 2022
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #12971
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 21, 2022
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #12972
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 21, 2022
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    Things a person searches for most in middle age:

    6% the meaning of life.
    6% love.
    6% security.
    2% spiritual enlightenment.
    80% car keys.
     
    #12973
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 21, 2022
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #12974
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 22, 2022
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #12975
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 22, 2022
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #12976
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 23, 2022
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #12977
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 23, 2022
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  18. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #12978
    Makemstine Roger, Sep 24, 2022
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  19. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #12979
    Makemstine Roger, Sep 24, 2022
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  20. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #12980
    Makemstine Roger, Sep 24, 2022
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Page 649 of 830
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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