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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12901
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 16, 2022
    San Diego, Makemstine Roger and BluefromBridgend like this.
  2. DMD

    DMD Eh?
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    upload_2022-8-17_7-22-20.png
     
    #12902
    DMD, Aug 17, 2022
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  3. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #12903
    Makemstine Roger, Aug 17, 2022
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  4. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    Walking home after a girls' night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee.

    The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it.

    Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.

    The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her panties!"

    "That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"
     
    #12904
    Makemstine Roger, Aug 17, 2022
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  5. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #12905
    Makemstine Roger, Aug 17, 2022
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  6. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar backward.

    The little boy asked why he wore his collar backward.

    The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father'

    The little boy replied, 'My Daddy is also a father, but he doesn't wear his collar like that'

    The priest looked up from his book and answered, "I am the Father of many.'

    The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!'

    The priest, getting impatient, said. 'I am the Father of hundreds' and went back to reading his book.

    The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear a condom, and put your pants on backward instead of your collar.
     
    #12906
    Makemstine Roger, Aug 17, 2022
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  7. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #12907
    Makemstine Roger, Aug 17, 2022
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  8. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #12908
    Makemstine Roger, Aug 17, 2022
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  9. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #12909
    Makemstine Roger, Aug 17, 2022
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.
    She said, "You use to hold my hand when we were courting."
    Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me."
    Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
    Thirty seconds later she said, "Then you use to bite my neck."
    Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
    "Where are you going ?" she asked.
    "To get my teeth!"
     
    #12910
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 19, 2022
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I stole a boomerang earlier and hid it up my sleeve…

    The security guard threw me out of the shop 37 times!
     
    #12911
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 23, 2022
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My wife says I'm tight, so to prove her wrong I'm taking her out for tea and biscuits today...

    It should be quite exciting as she has never given blood before!
     
    #12912
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 24, 2022
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    So I don't mind Genetically Modified foods

    I've just had a lovely leg of salmon....
     
    #12913
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 24, 2022
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12914
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 24, 2022
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12915
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 24, 2022
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12916
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 24, 2022
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12917
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 24, 2022
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Got a new hobby. A couple of days a week, I spend two hours bellringing.

    Some people find it an odd thing to do with your time,but I find it very therapeutic.

    The bus driver seems less keen on it, though...
     
    #12918
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 24, 2022
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12919
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 25, 2022
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12920
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 25, 2022
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Page 646 of 830
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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