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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

  1. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #12861
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12863
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
    The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room.
    "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
    The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here, "she cried," one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
     
    #12864
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Started my job at the Samaritans last week.

    Tried to ring in sick today and the buggers talked me out of it...
     
    #12865
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I couldn’t afford to take the kids to Sea World.

    So I took them to the fish market, and told them they had to be quiet, because the fish were all sleeping.....
     
    #12866
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A farm boy accidentally overturned a wagon load of corn.
    A farmer, who lived nearby, heard the noise and yelled to the boy,
    "Hey, Willis, forget your troubles and come in for a visit. I'll help you pick the wagon up later."
    "That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but Pa wouldn't like me to."
    "Aw, come on, boy," the farmer insisted.
    "Well, OK" the boy finally agreed, "but Pa won't like it."
    After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."
    "Don't be foolish," the neighbor said with a smile; "by the way, where is he?"
    "Under the wagon," replied the boy.
     
    #12867
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I haven’t spoken to my wife in weeks….

    I don’t like to interrupt her
     
    #12868
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12869
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12870
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A man was about to go into a pub for a drink, when this nun standing outside starts telling him about the dangers of alcohol. He asked if she had ever had an alcoholic beverage, to which she replied, no
    He themn invites her to come inside and have a drink with him, she says I can't go into a pub, what would Father Murphy say if he found out I was in a pub?!?
    He says I'll bring you a pint out to you, she says I can't be seen drinking in public and beer just sounds so not tasty...I need something that a lady might like
    He says I'll, get you a sherry, She says that sounds nice, but to put it in a teacup so no one will know what youre drinking
    The man goes in and orders a pint of stout and a sherry in a teacup. ..the barkeeper says, is that feckin nun outside again?!?
     
    #12873
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  15. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #12875
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  16. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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  17. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #12877
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  18. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a saloon and sat down to drink a Beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said "Who owns the big white horse outside?"
    The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do....Why?"
    The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you'd like to know that your horse is about dead!"
    The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.
    The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better."
    Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe" and took off running circles around Silver.
    Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the saloon to finish his drink. A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?"
    The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?"
    The cowboy looks him in the eye and says.........

    "Nothing, but you left your injun runnin".
     
    #12879
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12880
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