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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12841
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 21, 2022
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12842
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 21, 2022
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12843
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 21, 2022
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I can't afford an Ancestry DNA Kit to learn about my relatives.

    So instead I just posted online that I had won the lottery.
     
    #12844
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 21, 2022
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Leeds playing away in the 1970s!

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    #12845
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 21, 2022
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I'm not being paranoid, but there are 5 Peruvian owls standing on my fence, watching me through the kitchen window!!

    I'm sure they're Inca hoots !!!....
     
    #12846
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 21, 2022
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  7. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #12847
    Makemstine Roger, Jul 21, 2022
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A man, an ostrich, and a cat
    A man walks into a bar with an ostrich and a cat and sits at the bar. The bartender walks over to them and says, "What can I get for you?"
    The man says "I'll have a beer", the ostrich says, "I'll have a beer", and the cat says, "I'll have half a beer and I'm not buying." So the bartender says, "OK, that will be $3.87."
    The man reaches into his pocket and brings out the exact change and pays him. About an hour later the bartender goes back over to them and says, "What'll you guys have?"
    The man says, "I'll have a beer", the ostrich says, "I'll have a beer", and the cat says "I'll have half a beer and I'm not buying." The bartender gets them their beer and says "That'll be $3.87."
    The man reaches into his pocket and brings out the exact change and pays him. A couple of days later they come back into the bar and the bartender walks over and asks "What do you guys want today?"
    The man says, "I'll have a scotch", the ostrich says, "I'll have a bourbon", and the cat says, "I'll have half a beer and I'm not buying." So the bartender says "OK, that will be $7.53." The man reaches into his pocket and brings out the exact change and pays him.
    The bartender's curiosity got the best of him and he asks, "Why is it that every time I tell you the amount you owe you always have the exact change in you pocket?"
    The man said, "I found a bottle with a genie in it and she granted me 3 wishes. My first wish was that I always have the exact change in my pocket for anything I buy."
    The bartender says, "That's a great wish...better than asking for a million dollars. A million dollars will run out but that never will. What were your other 2 wishes?"
    The man says, "That's where I screwed up. I asked for a chick with long legs and a tight pussy."
     
    #12848
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 21, 2022
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12849
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 22, 2022
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Just had my bank statement through and noticed that I've had payments go out for a water pistol, a pair of size 20 shoes, a trumpet and a red nose..

    'Phoned the bank & apparently my card's been clowned.
     
    #12850
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 22, 2022
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12851
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 22, 2022
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  12. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #12852
    Makemstine Roger, Jul 22, 2022
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  13. Wooperts_duck

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    #12853
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 22, 2022
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  14. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    That costa coffee went straight through me
     
    #12854
    Makemstine Roger, Jul 22, 2022
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    New B&Q Bluetooth Cordless Hose.
    new and unused, unwanted gift.
    £20

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    #12855
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 23, 2022
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  16. Wooperts_duck

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    #12856
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 24, 2022
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12857
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 25, 2022
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  18. Wooperts_duck

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    #12858
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 25, 2022
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  19. Wooperts_duck

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    #12859
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 25, 2022
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12860
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 25, 2022
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Page 643 of 834
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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