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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #12821
    Makemstine Roger, Jul 16, 2022
    Didley Squat, San Diego and Wooperts_duck like this.
  2. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #12822
    Makemstine Roger, Jul 16, 2022
    San Diego and Wooperts_duck like this.
  3. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    .
     
    #12823
    Makemstine Roger, Jul 16, 2022
    San Diego and Wooperts_duck like this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day, he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection.
    The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, 'Did you call for me?'
    The man replies, 'No, what do you mean?'
    She says, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.'
    Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.
    The man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the sauna and, as he sits down, he farts.....
    Within minutes, a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam-room toward him, 'did you call for me?' says the hairy man.
    'No, what do you mean?' says the newcomer.
    'You must be new,' says the hairy man, 'it's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.' The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.
    The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist, 'May I help you?' she says.
    The man yells, 'Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the £500 membership fee.'
    'But, Sir,' she replies, 'you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities.'
    The man replies, 'Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month. I fart 35 times a day!!'
     
    #12824
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 16, 2022
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12825
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 16, 2022
    Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12826
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 16, 2022
    Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12827
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 17, 2022
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12828
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 17, 2022
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12829
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 17, 2022
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12830
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 17, 2022
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  11. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #12831
    Makemstine Roger, Jul 18, 2022
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  12. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #12832
    Makemstine Roger, Jul 18, 2022
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  13. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #12833
    Makemstine Roger, Jul 18, 2022
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  14. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    New
    Q: What do you call the sweaty flap of skin which surrounds the vagina ?

    A: The wife
     
    #12834
    Makemstine Roger, Jul 18, 2022
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  15. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #12835
    Makemstine Roger, Jul 18, 2022
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12836
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 19, 2022
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12837
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 19, 2022
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12838
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 21, 2022
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A man calls Pizza hut to order a pizza...
    CALLER: Is this Pizza Hut?
    GOOGLE: No sir, it's Google Pizza.
    CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number, sorry.
    GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.
    CALLER: OK. I would like to order a pizza.
    GOOGLE: Do you want your usual, sir?
    CALLER: My usual? You know me?
    GOOGLE: According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
    CALLER: Super! That’s what I’ll have.
    GOOGLE: May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?
    CALLER: What? I don’t want a vegetarian pizza!
    GOOGLE: Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
    CALLER: How the hell do you know that?
    GOOGLE: Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
    CALLER: Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetarian pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.
    GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at Lloyds Pharmacy, 4 months ago.
    CALLER: I bought more from another Pharmacy.
    GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
    CALLER: I paid in cash.
    GOOGLE: But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
    CALLER: I have other sources of cash.
    GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your latest tax returns unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law!
    CALLER: WHAT THE HELL!
    GOOGLE: I'm sorry sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
    CALLER: Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without the internet, TV, where there is no phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.
    GOOGLE: I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago..
     
    #12839
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 21, 2022
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12840
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 21, 2022
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Page 642 of 830
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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