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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

Page 629 of 830
  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth.
    The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes.
    The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes.
    The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes.
    The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what happened.
    The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his wife's teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up.
     
    #12561
    Wooperts_duck, May 18, 2022
    Makemstine Roger, BluefromBridgend, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  2. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2022-5-18_18-50-47.png
     
    #12562
    Taffvalerowdy, May 18, 2022
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, BluefromBridgend and 1 other person like this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12563
    Wooperts_duck, May 18, 2022
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12564
    Wooperts_duck, May 18, 2022
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Taffvalerowdy and 1 other person like this.
  5. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2022-5-18_19-54-8.png
     
    #12565
    Taffvalerowdy, May 18, 2022
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Wooperts_duck like this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12566
    Wooperts_duck, May 18, 2022
    Taffvalerowdy, Makemstine Roger, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12567
    Wooperts_duck, May 18, 2022
    Taffvalerowdy, Makemstine Roger, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12568
    Wooperts_duck, May 18, 2022
    Taffvalerowdy, Makemstine Roger, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  9. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2022-5-19_14-0-56.jpeg
     
    #12569
    Taffvalerowdy, May 19, 2022
    Wooperts_duck, San Diego and Makemstine Roger like this.
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12570
    Wooperts_duck, May 19, 2022
    Didley Squat, San Diego, Makemstine Roger and 1 other person like this.

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    So a teacher asked her class: "What do you want out of life?"
    A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said: "All I want out of life is four little animals!"
    The teacher asked: "Really and what four little animals would that be sugar?"
    The little girl said: "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in bed and a jackass to pay for all of it."
     
    #12571
    Wooperts_duck, May 19, 2022
    San Diego, Bunny, Taffvalerowdy and 1 other person like this.
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12572
    Wooperts_duck, May 19, 2022
    San Diego, Makemstine Roger and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  13. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #12573
    Taffvalerowdy, May 20, 2022
    San Diego, Makemstine Roger and Wooperts_duck like this.
  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The Pope is having some work done in the vatican. As he is passing one of the carpenters hits his thumb with a hammer
    "Fecking Hell!" he cries.
    The Pope is horrified and tells the carpenter "My son, this is the house of God, such profanities are not appropriate here. If you have hurt yourself in some way you should offer your prayer to our lord Jesus and he will give you relief from your suffering"
    Next day as the Pope is passing the same carpenter chops off his fingers with a saw. "Oh my God! Sweet Jesus please help me now!" says the carpenter.
    With that the fingers levitate themselves and re-attach themselves to the poor carpenter's hand, all the blood disappears and the carpenter wiggles his fingers,
    "Fecking Hell" says the Pope.
     
    #12574
    Wooperts_duck, May 22, 2022
    San Diego and Makemstine Roger like this.
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    On thier wedding night Paddy sat down with his new wife Mary and said ""we will have a lovely happy life if you never look in the bottom drawer in the chest of drawers in the bedroom"" Mary agreed.
    So after 50 years of Happy married life Mary decided to have a look in the drawer.
    She found 3 golf balls and £200.
    She confronted Paddy about the find.
    Paddy said ""every time I was unfaithful in our marriage I put a golf ball in the drawer""
    Mary was shocked but thought 3 balls, 3 times in 50 years is not so bad..
    She asked Paddy ""what about the £200?""
    Ah said Paddy "" every time I collected 10 balls I sold them for a £5.
     
    #12575
    Wooperts_duck, May 22, 2022
    San Diego and Makemstine Roger like this.
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Irish Fishing
    It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of the little Irish pub.
    An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the water.
    A curious visiting gentleman asked what he was doing.
    “Fishing”, replied the old man.
    Poor old fool, thought the gentlemen.
    So, he decided he would invite the old man to have a drink in the pub.
    Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whiskey, the gentleman asked
    “And, how many have you caught today?”
    “You're the eighth.”
     
    #12576
    Wooperts_duck, May 22, 2022
    San Diego and Makemstine Roger like this.
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I want to give a big shout out to the lady next door who loaned me a big cover to stop my stuff getting wet.

    Ta Pauline.
     
    #12577
    Wooperts_duck, May 22, 2022
    San Diego and Makemstine Roger like this.
  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12578
    Wooperts_duck, May 22, 2022
    San Diego and Makemstine Roger like this.
  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12579
    Wooperts_duck, May 22, 2022
    San Diego and Makemstine Roger like this.
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12580
    Wooperts_duck, May 22, 2022
    San Diego and Makemstine Roger like this.
Page 629 of 830
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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