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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

Page 625 of 830
  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My wife turned to me during her mother's funeral today and hissed under her breath,
    "When we get home later, I'm going to make you flipping pay for this!"
    This just came out of the blue
    For the life of me I couldn't think of what I had done to annoy her so much
    Then it struck me....
    Maybe it's because I wasn't sharing my popcorn.....
     
    #12481
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 28, 2022
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  2. Eric Le Merde

    Eric Le Merde Well-Known Member

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    I think your education was messed up already if you were taught a screw is a tool and a nut is dried fruit, just saying <cheers>
     
    #12482
    Eric Le Merde, Apr 28, 2022
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  3. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    enlighten o wise one as im ****ed up as well and was taught the same mate
     
    #12483
    Makemstine Roger, Apr 28, 2022
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  4. Eric Le Merde

    Eric Le Merde Well-Known Member

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    Well ....... a nut is a hexagonal piece of metal with a threaded hole through the middle and a screw is a type of shot in snooker, happy to be of assistance.
     
    #12484
    Eric Le Merde, Apr 28, 2022
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  5. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    i learn something new every day on here mate :emoticon-0148-yes:
     
    #12485
    Makemstine Roger, Apr 28, 2022
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    please log in to view this image
     
    #12486
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 29, 2022
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12487
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 30, 2022
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12488
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 30, 2022
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A soldier who was renting a house from me has done a runner owing me six months rent.

    He told me he was a General, but I’ve since discovered he’s a Left Tenant.
     
    #12489
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 30, 2022
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  10. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    in 1872 the welsh invented the condom from a sheep's lower intestine, in 1873 the english refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the sheep first
     
    #12490
    Makemstine Roger, May 1, 2022
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  11. DMD

    DMD Eh?
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    #12491
    DMD, May 1, 2022
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  12. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #12492
    Makemstine Roger, May 2, 2022
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  13. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    A recent survey found one in three newcastle fans are just as ****ing stupid as the other two
     
    #12493
    Makemstine Roger, May 2, 2022
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  14. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    An Aussie walks into a pub and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.
    He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

    The woman notices this and asks, 'Is your date running late?'
    'No', he replies,'I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it..'

    The intrigued woman says, 'a state-of-the-art watch?
    ''What's so special about it?'

    The Aussie explains, 'It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.'

    The lady says, 'What's it telling you now?'

    Well, it says you're not wearing any panties.'

    The woman giggles and replies:
    'Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!'

    The Aussie smiles, taps his watch and says,

    ' Bloody thing's an hour fast!'
     
    #12494
    Makemstine Roger, May 2, 2022
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  15. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #12495
    Makemstine Roger, May 2, 2022
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  16. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2022-5-3_8-0-25.jpeg
     
    #12496
    Taffvalerowdy, May 3, 2022
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  17. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

    "What are you doing?" she asked.

    "I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.
    "But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
    "This is my LOVE dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
    "LOVE dress? But you're naked!"
    "My husband LOVES me to wear this dress," she explained.
    "It excites him no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me."

    The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home.
    He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.
    "What are you doing?" he asked.

    "This is my LOVE dress," she whispered, sensually.

    "Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?"
     
    #12497
    Makemstine Roger, May 3, 2022
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  18. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    #12498
    Gordon Armstrong, May 4, 2022
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  19. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #12499
    Makemstine Roger, May 4, 2022
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Jack is on his death bed, and he says to his wife, "Can you give me one last wish?"

    She says, "Anything you want." He says, "After I die, will you marry Larry?"

    She says, "But I thought you hated Larry." With his last breath, he says, "I do."
     
    #12500
    Wooperts_duck, May 4, 2022
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Page 625 of 830
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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