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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12401
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 18, 2022
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12402
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 18, 2022
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12403
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 18, 2022
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year-old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?" The man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex." "Oh I see," replied the boys pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
    He looks over the display and picks up a packa...ge of three and asks,
    "Why are there three in this package." The dad replies, "Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday." "Cool!" says the boy. He notices a pack of six and asks "Then who are these for?" "Those are for college men," the dad answers, "Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday." "WOW!" exclaimed the boy. "Then who uses these?" he asks, picking up a 12-pack. With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March............"
     
    #12404
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 18, 2022
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A painter gave a price to paint a church. When he got half way through, he realized he under bid the job, so he started thinning his paint. He finished at the end of the day. That night he tossed and turned all night. The next morning he got up and went to the church...sure enough his worse nightmares were realized. It had stormed all night and washed the thinned paint off half the church. As he stood there depressed with his head hung low, the clouds parted, the sun came out and a voice boomed from heaven:

    "Repaint, repaint and thin no more"
     
    #12405
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 18, 2022
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12406
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 18, 2022
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Walking down the road last night, I passed an apple pie, an ice cream sundae, and a lemon cheesecake.

    I thought: "the streets are strangely desserted tonight".
     
    #12407
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 19, 2022
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My girlfriend and I went to see the new Batman movie last night on our 9th date.

    So far our dates have consisted of..........

    Dinner Dinner Dinner Dinner Dinner Dinner Dinner Dinner Batman...
     
    #12408
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 19, 2022
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12409
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 19, 2022
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12410
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 19, 2022
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12411
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 19, 2022
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Mary answers a knock on her door.
    John, her husband's boss down at the brewery, was standing there and he said,
    " Hi Mary, unfortunately your husband, Greg, had an accident at work today and passed away."
    She starts crying and asks what happened.
    "He fell into a full vat of beer and drowned " he replied.
    "Oh, no. I hope he didn't suffer a lot." She sobbed.
    "I don't think he suffered too much, he got out three times to go to the toilet!"
     
    #12412
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 19, 2022
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  13. Wooperts_duck

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    #12413
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 19, 2022
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  14. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    upload_2022-4-19_21-42-41.png
     
    #12414
    Gordon Armstrong, Apr 19, 2022
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  15. Wooperts_duck

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    #12415
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 20, 2022
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12416
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 20, 2022
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    BREAKING NEWS:

    Heathrow Airport police are concerned at the number of passengers smuggling helium filled balloons in their luggage.

    Cases continue to rise…
     
    #12417
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 20, 2022
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Saw a sign on the train saying "Please give this seat to an elderly person".

    So I unscrewed it and took it to my grandma's house.
     
    #12418
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 20, 2022
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  19. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #12419
    Makemstine Roger, Apr 21, 2022
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  20. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #12420
    Makemstine Roger, Apr 21, 2022
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Page 621 of 830
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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