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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    #12261
    Gordon Armstrong, Mar 31, 2022
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12262
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 31, 2022
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12263
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 31, 2022
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A Jordanesq type, was worried about the amount of dents in her car, so she took it to her local garage. The mechanic thought he’d have a bit off fun and told her she could solve the problem herself by blowing up the exhaust pipe. Thanking the mechanic for saving her money; she returned home to set about removing the dents. She was smart enough to let the pipe cool down before performing the task. When it was cool enough, she got her lips round it and started to blow for all she was worth. After a time, her blonde neighbour come out and asked her what she was doing.
    “I’m blowin’ the dents outa ov the body aint I.” She informed her neighbour.
    “Don’t be stupid!” said the blonde neighbour. “You’re supposed to wind the windows up first, else it won’t work will it!”
     
    #12264
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 31, 2022
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12265
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 31, 2022
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Just finished decorating my bonnet for Easter.

    I've covered it in chicks and eggs and bunnies.

    Car's failed the MOT now though.
     
    #12266
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 31, 2022
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for books about paranoia.

    She whispers, "They're right behind you!".........
     
    #12267
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 31, 2022
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  8. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    A Cardiff fan and a Swansea fan were driving head on, one night and their cars collide.

    To their amazement, neither is hurt but both cars are destroyed.

    In celebration of their good luck, they agree to put their differences aside from that moment on and the Swansea fan goes to the boot of his car and fetches a 12 year old bottle of whisky.

    He hands it to the Cardiff fan who exclaims "may the Swansea and Cardiff fans live together, forever, in peace and harmony", then gulps down half the bottle.

    He goes to hand the bottle to the Swansea fan, who replies, "No, thanks, I'll just wait until the police get here, you Cardiff Bastard ”….. <laugh><laugh><laugh>
     
    #12268
    Taffvalerowdy, Mar 31, 2022
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  9. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    FB_IMG_1648647958885.jpg
     
    #12269
    Gordon Armstrong, Mar 31, 2022
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12270
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 31, 2022
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    NEWS:

    Police were called to Tesco’s Watford this morning as a fight broke out in the toilet roll aisle. A police spokesperson said that they managed to calm the situation, and just one shopper has been left with soft tissue damage.
     
    #12271
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 31, 2022
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  12. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    upload_2022-3-31_19-47-2.png
     
    #12272
    Gordon Armstrong, Mar 31, 2022
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  13. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    upload_2022-3-31_19-49-35.png
     
    #12273
    Gordon Armstrong, Mar 31, 2022
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  14. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #12274
    Makemstine Roger, Mar 31, 2022
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  15. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2022-4-1_9-54-10.jpeg
     
    #12275
    Taffvalerowdy, Apr 1, 2022
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  16. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    found it too good not to pinch

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    #12276
    Makemstine Roger, Apr 1, 2022
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12277
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 1, 2022
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A Scottish couple decided to go to Spain to thaw out during a particularly icy winter . They planned to stay in the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20yrs earlier . Because of hectic schedules , it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules , so the husband left Glasgow and flew to Barcelona on the Thursday , with his wife flying the following day . The husband checked into the hotel . . . There was a computer in his room , so he decided to send an email to his wife . However he left out one letter in her email address , and without realizing his error , sent the email . Meanwhile somewhere in Blackpool , a widow had just returned from her husbands funeral . He was a minister who died following a heart attack . The widow decided to check her emails , expecting messages from relatives and friends . After reading the first message she screamed and fainted . The widows son rushed into the room , found his mother on the floor , and saw the computer screen which read . To my wife . Subject i've arrived date March 28th 2022. I know your surprised to hear from me , they have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones . I ve just arrived and have been checked in , i see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow , looking forward to seeing you then ! Hope your journey is as smooth as mine was . P s bloody hot down here !!!
     
    #12278
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 1, 2022
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    So I went into a bar in Spain & there was a huge bulls head on the wall.
    I said: "That must have been a big bull?"
    The barman said: "That bull killed my grandfather"
    I said: "Was he a bullfighter?"
    He said: "No. He was playing draughts over there and it fell on him”
     
    #12279
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 1, 2022
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12280
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 1, 2022
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: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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