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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. DMD

    DMD Eh?
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    #12241
    DMD, Mar 29, 2022
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  2. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    upload_2022-3-29_18-51-36.png
     
    #12242
    Gordon Armstrong, Mar 29, 2022
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  3. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    My mate needed a bone marrow transplant, and we found a match in Argentina.
    The operation was a success, and our thanks go out to Diego Marrow Donor.
     
    #12243
    Gordon Armstrong, Mar 29, 2022
    KingHotspur, San Diego and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  4. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #12244
    Taffvalerowdy, Mar 29, 2022
    KingHotspur, Wooperts_duck, San Diego and 3 others like this.
  5. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    The Queen has controversially chosen Prince Andrew to escort her to the memorial service for The Duke of Edinburgh.

    Be fair . . . . the Royals could hardly leave him behind to look after the kids.
     
    #12245
    Gordon Armstrong, Mar 29, 2022
    KingHotspur, San Diego, BluefromBridgend and 1 other person like this.
  6. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    #12246
    Gordon Armstrong, Mar 29, 2022
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  7. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    #12247
    Gordon Armstrong, Mar 29, 2022
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  8. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    #12248
    Gordon Armstrong, Mar 29, 2022
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  9. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #12249
    Taffvalerowdy, Mar 29, 2022
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12250
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 29, 2022
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A father asks his 10-year-old son if he knows about the birds and the bees:
    "I don't want to know." The child says, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me."
    Confused, the father asks. “What's wrong?”
    "Oh, dad." The boy sobs. "When I was six, I got the "There's no Santa' speech. At seven, I got the "There's no Easter Bunny' speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the "There's no tooth fairy' speech. If you're going to tell me that adults don't really fu*k, I'll have nothing left to live for."
     
    #12251
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 29, 2022
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    How can a woman scare a gynaecologist?

    By becoming a ventriloquist
     
    #12252
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 29, 2022
    San Diego, BluefromBridgend and Makemstine Roger like this.
  13. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    Two Swedes, Sven & Ole, walk into a pet shop. They head to the bird section and Sven says to Ole, "Dat's dem."
    The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.

    "Yah sure, ve'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere," says Sven.

    The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag.. Ole and Sven pay for the birds, leave the shop, get into Sven's pick-up and drive to the top of some big cliffs.

    At the cliffs, Sven looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place."

    He takes two birds out of the bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Ole watches as Sven falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself dead.

    Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Ole shakes his head and says: "By yumpin' yiminy, dis budgie yumping is too dangerous for me."

    VAIT!!! Dere's MORE!

    Moments later Knute arrives up at the cliffs.

    He's been to the pet shop, too, and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another paper bag in one hand and a shotgun in the other.
    "Hey, Ole. Vatch dis." Knute says.. He takes a parrot from the bag and throws himself over the edge of the cliff.

    Ole watches as half way down, Knute takes the gun and shoots the parrot.

    Knute continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body.
    Ole shakes his head and says, "And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either."

    BUT VAIT!!! Dere's MORE, you betcha!!

    Ole is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Lars appears.

    He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a paper bag, out of which he pulls a chicken.

    Lars grasps the chicken by the legs, holds it over his head, hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.

    Once more Ole shakes his head. "First der was Sven with his budgie yumping, den Knute parrotshooting ..and now Lars, hengliding ......"
     
    #12253
    Gordon Armstrong, Mar 30, 2022
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  14. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    Was in Wakefield over the weekend, came out of the pub and there was a scrounger sat on the floor dog by his side, blanket over him.
    He asked us both "Got any change for food" mate said KNOCK KNOCK, vagrant said....... who's there!! mate said.... thought you were fkg homeless <laugh><laugh>
     
    #12254
    Makemstine Roger, Mar 30, 2022
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  15. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #12255
    Makemstine Roger, Mar 30, 2022
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  16. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    #12256
    Gordon Armstrong, Mar 30, 2022
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    This woman owned two Dachshunds, a male and a female.
    A friend of hers calls one day and says, "How do you keep him away from her when she's in heat?"
    "Oh that's not a problem" she says, "When I go out, I put the female upstairs."
    "And does that do the trick?" asks her friend.
    "Well," she says, "Have you ever seen a Dachshund go upstairs with a hard on?"
     
    #12257
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 30, 2022
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12258
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 30, 2022
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, Lancashire scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
    Not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, a Cumbrian archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the Windermere Times : "Cumbrian archaeologists, finding traces of 130-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 30 years earlier than Lancashire ".
    One week later, the Liverpool echo reported the following: "After digging as deep as 30 feet in his backyard in longley lane Toxteth , Amos Thwaite, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely bugger all..........and has therefore concluded that 150 years ago, Merseyside had already gone wireless."
     
    #12259
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 30, 2022
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12260
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 30, 2022
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Page 613 of 830
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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