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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan Forum Moderator

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    upload_2022-3-10_5-13-27.png
     
    #12041
    Gordon Armstrong, Mar 10, 2022
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  2. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan Forum Moderator

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    upload_2022-3-10_5-20-55.png
     
    #12042
    Gordon Armstrong, Mar 10, 2022
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  3. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan Forum Moderator

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    upload_2022-3-10_5-22-33.png
     
    #12043
    Gordon Armstrong, Mar 10, 2022
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  4. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan Forum Moderator

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    upload_2022-3-10_5-24-9.png
     
    #12044
    Gordon Armstrong, Mar 10, 2022
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  5. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan Forum Moderator

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    upload_2022-3-10_5-25-54.png :emoticon-0136-giggl
     
    #12045
    Gordon Armstrong, Mar 10, 2022
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  6. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan Forum Moderator

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    please log in to view this image
     
    #12046
    Gordon Armstrong, Mar 10, 2022
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  7. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan Forum Moderator

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    #12047
    Gordon Armstrong, Mar 10, 2022
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  8. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    Two French paratroopers were seconded to the SAS for special training.
    After the first day they met up in the bar. "Ah, Francois," asks one, "ow 'av you been doing?"
    "Merde!" answers Francois. "I 'av 'ad ze most terrible day. Terrible! At seex zis morning I was woken by zis beeg 'airy sergeant. 'E dragged me out of bed and on to ze parade ground."
    "And zen what 'appened?"
    "I will tell you what 'appened! 'E made me climb urp zis seely leetle platform two metres off ze ground and zen 'e said "Jurmp!"
    "And did you jurmp?"
    "I did not. I told 'im - "I am a French paratrooper. I do not jurmp Two metres. Eet is beneath my dignity."
    "And zen what 'appened?"
    "Zen 'e made me climb urp zis seely leetle platform five metres off ze ground, and 'e said "Jurmp."
    "And did you jurmp?"
    "I did not. I told 'im - "I am a French paratrooper. I do not jurmp five metres. Eet is beneath my dignity."
    "What 'appened zen?"
    "Zen 'e made me climb urp zis rickety platform thirty metres above ze parade ground. 'E undid 'is trousers, took out zis enormous weely, and 'e said 'If you do not jurmp, I am going to steek zis right urp your burme!'"
    "Sacre Bleu, mon ami. And did you jurmp?"
    "A leetle, at ze beginning.".
     
    #12048
    Makemstine Roger, Mar 10, 2022
    BluefromBridgend, kiwiqpr, Wooperts_duck and 1 other person like this.
  9. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable.
    His wife says "Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"
    He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
    "What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
    "Here boy" he replies.
     
    #12049
    Makemstine Roger, Mar 10, 2022
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  10. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    A LITTLE THREE YEAR OLD BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET.
    HIS MOTHER THINKS HE HAS BEEN IN THERE TOO LONG, SO SHE GOES IN TO SEE WHAT'S UP.

    THE LITTLE BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET READING A BOOK..
    BUT ABOUT EVERY 10 SECONDS OR SO HE PUTS THE BOOK DOWN, GRIPS ONTO THE TOILET SEAT WITH HIS LEFT HAND AND HITS HIMSELF ON TOP OF THE HEAD WITH HIS RIGHT HAND.

    HIS MOTHER SAYS: "BILLY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? YOU'VE BEEN IN HERE FOR A WHILE."

    BILLY SAYS: "I'M FINE, MUMMY... I JUST HAVEN'T DONE IT YET."

    MOTHER SAYS: "OK, YOU CAN STAY HERE A FEW MORE MINUTES. BUT, BILLY, WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF ON THE HEAD?"
    BILLY SAYS:
    "IT WORKS ON THE TOMATO SAUCE BOTTLE!"
     
    #12050
    Makemstine Roger, Mar 10, 2022
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  11. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days.
    A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Irish sausages?"
    The assistant asks, "Are you Irish?"
    The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am, but let me ask you something...
    If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?
    Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
    Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?
    Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?
    Or if I asked for Polish sausage, would you ask if I was Polish?"
    The assistant says, "No, I probably wouldn't."
    The guy says, "Well then, just because I asked for Irish sausage, whydid you ask me if I'm Irish?"
    The assistant replied, "Because you're in ikea ."
     
    #12051
    Makemstine Roger, Mar 10, 2022
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  12. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    A mother in-law said to her sons wife when the baby was born

    "I don't mean to be rude but he doesn’t look anything like my son"

    The daughter inlaw lifted her skirt and said...

    "I don't mean to be rude either but this is a fanny not a ****ing photo copier !!"
     
    #12052
    Makemstine Roger, Mar 10, 2022
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  13. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan Forum Moderator

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    upload_2022-3-10_16-49-2.png
     
    #12053
    Gordon Armstrong, Mar 10, 2022
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  14. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan Forum Moderator

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    #12054
    Gordon Armstrong, Mar 10, 2022
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  15. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan Forum Moderator

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    #12055
    Gordon Armstrong, Mar 10, 2022
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  16. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan Forum Moderator

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    Grigori and Ivan are in the queue for bread in Moscow and they'd been waiting for a couple of hours when Ivan said '**** this I'm sick of this ****, I'm off to go and kill that Putin ****er' and off he went.
    Three hours later Ivan returned to the bread queue.
    "How did it go ?" said Grigori, "what happened?"
    "Nothing" said Ivan, "the queue for killing Putin was longer than this one"
     
    #12056
    Gordon Armstrong, Mar 10, 2022
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  17. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan Forum Moderator

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    upload_2022-3-10_18-33-46.png
     
    #12057
    Gordon Armstrong, Mar 10, 2022
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  18. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan Forum Moderator

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    The Chelski bus arriving at Carrow Road, tonight . . . . it's nice to see them sporting Ukraine's colours
    upload_2022-3-10_19-4-13.png
     
    #12058
    Gordon Armstrong, Mar 10, 2022
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.
    She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills and canyon walls.
    When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' and rode off.
    "What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service-station attendant. "Nothing," the woman answered "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off."
    "Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."
     
    #12059
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 10, 2022
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    A trucker came into a truck stop restaurant and placed his order. “I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.”
    The brand-new waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, “This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. … What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?”
    “No,” the cook said. “Three flat tires means three pancakes; a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up; and a pair of running boards is two slices of crisp bacon!”
    “Oh … OK!” replied the waitress. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.
    The trucker asked, “What are the beans for?”
    She replied, “I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!”
     
    #12060
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 10, 2022
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: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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