The barnsley joke page

In an unexpected twist, Prince Andrew is now paying Virginia Giuffre to keep her mouth closed.

 

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Paddy phones an ambulance because his mate's been hit by a car.

Paddy: 'Get an ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and ears and

I tink both his legs are broken.'
Operator: 'What is your location sir?'

Paddy: 'Outside number 28 Eucalyptus Street.'
Operator: 'How do you spell that sir?'
Silence.... and after a minute.
Operator: 'Are you there sir?'

More silence and another minute later.

Operator: 'Sir, can you hear me?'
This goes on for another few minutes until....
Operator: 'Sir, please answer me. Can you still hear me?'

Paddy: 'Yes, sorry bout dat... I couldn’t spell eucalyptus, so I just dragged him

round to number 3 Oak Street.'

 

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting flies he responded." O have you killed any yet she asked. "Yep. 3 males 2 females" he replied. Intrigued she asked "how can you tell them
apart?" He responded, "3 were on a beer can, and 2 were on the f*****g phone !

 

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New
> Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking
>
> Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a ship that had sunk.
> "Follow me son", the father shark said to his son, and they swam to the survivors.
>
> "First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.
>
> "Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did.
>
> "Now we eat everybody." And they did.
>
> When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them? Why did we swim around and around them?"
>
> His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the **** inside!"

 

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