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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2021-12-9_17-24-32.png
     
    #11401
    Taffvalerowdy, Dec 9, 2021
    San Diego, Makemstine Roger, Wooperts_duck and 1 other person like this.
  2. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2021-12-9_18-36-35.png
     
    #11402
    Taffvalerowdy, Dec 9, 2021
    San Diego, Makemstine Roger, Wooperts_duck and 1 other person like this.
  3. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #11403
    Taffvalerowdy, Dec 9, 2021
    San Diego, Gordon Armstrong and Wooperts_duck like this.
  4. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    An 83-year-old gent arrived in Paris by plane. As he fumbled in his bag for his passport an obnoxious French immigration officer asked if he had been to France before, he admitted that he had indeed been previously. The officer somewhat typically and sarcastically said that he should have known that he should have his passport ready for presentation at immigration. The gent said “but I didn’t have to show it the last time!” Impossible, replied the French immigration officer, you British have always had to show your passports to enter France. The old man replied "well when I came across the beach on 'D Day‘ in 1944 I couldn’t find any ****ing Frenchmen to show it to!"
     
    #11404
    Makemstine Roger, Dec 9, 2021
    TIGERSCAVE, Wooperts_duck, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    Brilliant !! <laugh> <laugh> <laugh>
     
    #11405
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 9, 2021
    San Diego, Taffvalerowdy and Makemstine Roger like this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #11406
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 9, 2021
    San Diego, Gordon Armstrong and Makemstine Roger like this.

  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #11407
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 9, 2021
    San Diego, BluefromBridgend, Gordon Armstrong and 1 other person like this.
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #11408
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 9, 2021
    San Diego, BluefromBridgend, Gordon Armstrong and 1 other person like this.
  9. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    Fred came home from University in tears.

    “Mum, am I adopted?”

    “No of course not,” replied his mother. “Why would you think such a thing?”

    Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side of the city.

    Perturbed, his mother called her husband. “Honey, Fred has done a DNA test, and… and… I don’t know how to say this… he may not be our son.”

    “Well, obviously!” he replied.

    “What do you mean?”

    “It was your idea in the first place” her husband continued.

    “You remember, that first night in hospital when the baby did nothing but scream and cry and scream and cry. On and on, and you asked me to change him.”

    “I picked a good one, I reckon. I'm ever so proud of Fred.”
     
    #11409
    Makemstine Roger, Dec 9, 2021
    Wooperts_duck, San Diego, BluefromBridgend and 1 other person like this.
  10. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #11410
    Taffvalerowdy, Dec 10, 2021
    Wooperts_duck, Makemstine Roger, Gordon Armstrong and 1 other person like this.
  11. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #11411
    Taffvalerowdy, Dec 10, 2021
    Wooperts_duck, Makemstine Roger, Gordon Armstrong and 1 other person like this.
  12. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #11412
    Taffvalerowdy, Dec 10, 2021
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  13. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #11413
    Taffvalerowdy, Dec 10, 2021
    Wooperts_duck, Makemstine Roger, Gordon Armstrong and 1 other person like this.
  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #11414
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 10, 2021
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    This is the story of a blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot. The pilot has a heart attack and dies. She becomes frantic and calls out a May Day. "May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead. And I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!" She hears a voice over the radio saying: "This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear.
    I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position."
    She says, "I'm 5'4" and I’m in the front seat.."
    ," says the voice on the radio, "Repeat after me: Our Father, Who art in Heaven..."
     
    #11415
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 10, 2021
    Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #11416
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 10, 2021
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  17. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #11417
    Taffvalerowdy, Dec 11, 2021
    Wooperts_duck, Makemstine Roger, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  18. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    Two beggars in Manchester, Ali and Habib

    They beg in different areas of Manchester ...

    Habib begs just as long as Ali does, but only collects £2 to £3 every day.

    Ali brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend.

    Habib asks Ali :-
    'I work just as long and hard as you do but how is it that you bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day?'

    Ali says, 'Look at your sign, what does it say'?

    Habib's sign reads
    'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support'.

    Ali says No wonder you only get £2- £3

    Habib says... 'So what does your sign say'?

    Ali shows Habib his sign....

    It reads,

    'I only need another £10 to move back to Pakistan'.
     
    #11418
    Makemstine Roger, Dec 11, 2021
    Wooperts_duck, San Diego and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  19. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #11419
    Makemstine Roger, Dec 12, 2021
    San Diego and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  20. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan Forum Moderator

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    I was out walking my dog today when a old lady shouted, ''I hope that you're going to pick up that sh*t'' "Calm down dear" I said, "let me wipe my arse first"
     
    #11420
    Gordon Armstrong, Dec 12, 2021
    San Diego and Wooperts_duck like this.
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