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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #11081
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 3, 2021
    San Diego, BluefromBridgend and Makemstine Roger like this.
  2. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #11082
    Makemstine Roger, Oct 3, 2021
    Wooperts_duck and San Diego like this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #11083
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 3, 2021
    San Diego and Makemstine Roger like this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #11084
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 3, 2021
    San Diego, Makemstine Roger and BluefromBridgend like this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    So this bloke got chatting to this girl in a bar, "Can I buy you a drink?" he asked.
    "Have you not got a girlfriend?" she replied, "Guys like you always have girlfriends.
    ""No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago," he assured her.
    "Oh I'm sorry to hear that," she said, "Go on then, I'll have a white wine please.
    A few drinks later after a kiss and a cuddle they headed off back to her place and made passionate love.
    While he was putting his clothes back on she said, "So, you're good looking, a nice guy and amazing in bed, can I ask why on earth you split with your girlfriend?"
    He said, "My wife found out."
     
    #11085
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 3, 2021
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #11086
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 3, 2021
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  7. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    Three dogs sat in a vet’s waiting room, a Collie, Labrador, and Great Dane. The Lab turns to the Collie and asks, “Why are you here?”
    The Collie replies “I’m a bit of a digger and last week I dug a hole in my owners new couch; I’m here to have my balls chopped off as it will apparently calm me down”
    The Collie asks the Labrador, “and why are you here?”
    He replied, “I’m a bit of a pisser, I slash everywhere and anywhere all hours of the day and night. The last straw was this morning when I pissed on my masters’ bed, so, I’m here to have my balls chopped off too, to calm me down.”
    They both turned to the Great Dane and asked, “Why are you here?”
    He replied, “Well I’m just a bit of a humper. I will hump anything and anyone. Last night my lady owner came out of the shower, bent over, and I just couldn’t help myself; I jumped up and rattles away!”
    They say to him, “So you’re having your balls chopped off to calm you down, as well?”
    He replies, “No, apparently I’m having my nails clipped”
     
    #11087
    Taffvalerowdy, Oct 3, 2021
    San Diego, Wooperts_duck, BluefromBridgend and 2 others like this.
  8. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    Loved that one<laugh>
     
    #11088
    Makemstine Roger, Oct 4, 2021
    San Diego, Wooperts_duck and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  9. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2021-10-5_14-30-26.jpeg
     
    #11089
    Taffvalerowdy, Oct 5, 2021
    San Diego, Gordon Armstrong, Makemstine Roger and 1 other person like this.
  10. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2021-10-5_15-35-45.jpeg
     
    #11090
    Taffvalerowdy, Oct 5, 2021
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  11. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2021-10-5_15-36-15.jpeg
     
    #11091
    Taffvalerowdy, Oct 5, 2021
    Wooperts_duck, andytoprankin, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #11092
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 5, 2021
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #11093
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 5, 2021
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman applied for a vacancy with The phone company so The foreman said I'll give you all a trial day to see how many telegraph poles you can lay in that time.' At The end of The day The Englishman had done twenty-seven poles and The Scotsman had laid twenty-four.
    'How many did you manage?' The foreman asked The Irishman.
    'Five,' answered The Irishman.
    'Well,' said The foreman, 'your friends managed over fifty between them.'
    'Yes,' said The Irishman, 'but look how much they left sticking out of The ground.'
     
    #11094
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 5, 2021
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman went into a pub.

    The Englishman stood a round.

    The Irishman stood a round.

    The Scotsman stood around.
     
    #11095
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 5, 2021
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #11096
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 6, 2021
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #11097
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 7, 2021
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #11098
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 7, 2021
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Whilst teaching RE (Religious Education), I asked my class to write an essay in as few words as possible. Their short story should contain ‘Religion’, ‘Sex’ and ‘Mystery’.
    One girl completed her paper within minutes. I gave her A+
    It read:
    Good God, I’m pregnant! I wonder whose it is?!
     
    #11099
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 7, 2021
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    An auntie of mine sadly died, she had no immediate family so it fell on me to arrange a 'head stone ' ..

    We found a note she had left, it said "born a virgin, lived a virgin, died a virgin:" we didn't have a lot of money so we agreed on 'Returned unopened '....
     
    #11100
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 7, 2021
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Page 555 of 834
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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