The barnsley joke page

Go on . . . . say what you see

 

An elderly man living alone in Milton Keynes wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work because the ground was hard. His only son, Paul, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Paul,

I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know that if you were here my troubles would be over, knowing that you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.

Love, Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad,

Don’t dig up that garden . . . . that’s where the bodies are buried.

Love,

Paul.

At 4 a.m. the next morning, CID officers and local police arrived and dug up the entire area, without finding any bodies. They apologised to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best that I could do under the circumstances.

 

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Boris Johnson and Michael Gove were holidaying in a Welsh village. One morning they were out walking Boris's dog, and decide to go to a nearby pub for a pint. Twenty minutes later a guy walks up to them, lifts the dog's tail up, then walks out.
A few minutes later, a woman walks into the pub, goes straight up to Boris and Gove, lifts the dog's tail up and walks out.
Boris an Gove look at each other a little bemused.
A few minutes later, yet another woman walks in and again lifts up the dog's tail, an turns to walk out.
" Excuse me", said Boris, "you're the third person to walk in and do that, what's it all about?"
" Oh! It's nothing really" said the woman, but somebody's put it around the village that there's a dog in the pub with two arseholes "!