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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10641
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 10, 2021
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  2. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #10642
    Taffvalerowdy, Jun 11, 2021
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10643
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 11, 2021
    Taffvalerowdy, San Diego and Didley Squat like this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers.
    "Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught me."
    "Good. What comes after three."
    "Four," answers Johnny.
    "What comes after six?"
    "Seven."
    "Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?"
    "A Jack," said Johnny.
     
    #10644
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 11, 2021
    Taffvalerowdy, San Diego and Makemstine Roger like this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10645
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 11, 2021
    Taffvalerowdy and San Diego like this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10646
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 12, 2021
    Taffvalerowdy likes this.
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10647
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 12, 2021
    San Diego and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
    I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
    "No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
    "Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
    "No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.."I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
    "Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
    "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
    "Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
    The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?
    I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
     
    #10648
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 12, 2021
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10649
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 12, 2021
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10650
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 12, 2021
    San Diego and Taffvalerowdy like this.

  11. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #10651
    Taffvalerowdy, Jun 13, 2021
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10652
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 14, 2021
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10653
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 14, 2021
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I don't usually like to blame referees but he clearly cost Scotland that game today.

    I thought things were going pretty well until he blew that whistle at 2.00pm to start the match.
     
    #10654
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 14, 2021
    San Diego likes this.
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10655
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 14, 2021
    San Diego and BluefromBridgend like this.
  16. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #10656
    Taffvalerowdy, Jun 15, 2021
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  17. Wooperts_duck

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    #10657
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 15, 2021
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10658
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 15, 2021
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10659
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 15, 2021
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  20. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    WEMBLEY TICKETS....
    England v Scotland
    Friday 18th June 2021
    Kick Off 8pm

    One of mates has two tickets in a corporate box for the England v Scotland game. He paid £300 each, but he didn't realise when he bought them that it was going to be the same day as his Covid 19 postponed wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place.

    It's at Reading Registry Office, at 2.30pm. The bride's name is Moira, she's 5'4", about 8 stone, quite pretty, has her own income and is a really good cook.
     
    #10660
    Taffvalerowdy, Jun 16, 2021
    Wooperts_duck, San Diego and BluefromBridgend like this.
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: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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