The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

  1. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong S.A.F.C. Sheriff
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10202
  3. Wooperts_duck

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  4. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong S.A.F.C. Sheriff
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    You probably think that you know the story about Noah’s Ark, but think again because here’s the real story . . . .

    God appeared to Noah and said “It’s going to rain for 40 days and 40 nights, and I want you to build an Ark. It has to be 30 cubits wide, 60 cubits long and 2 stories high“
    Noah replied “I'm guessing that you want me to fill it with birds and animals.”
    God said, “No, fish mainly, and particularly carp.“
    Noah replied “Ah . . . . you want a two storey carp Ark“
     
    #10204
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My van wouldn't start today.

    So I looked under the bonnet and saw a bat, sitting on the engine.

    It was a very polite bat. He said "hello sir, you are a handsome man, and very nicely dressed too"

    I could see the problem straight away.





    Bat flattery.....
     
    #10205
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    This is the wurst photo I have ever seen........
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    #10206
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  7. Wooperts_duck

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  8. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong S.A.F.C. Sheriff
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    #10208
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  9. Wooperts_duck

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  10. Wooperts_duck

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    The missus asked me last night if I could give her a Liverpool performance in bed

    I said what’s that? She said ‘you stay on top a long time and come second’.
     
    #10210
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    BREAKING NEWS: FIRST PICTURES FROM MARS
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    #10211
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  12. Wooperts_duck

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  13. Wooperts_duck

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  14. Wooperts_duck

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    #10214
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  15. Wooperts_duck

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  16. Wooperts_duck

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    So I said: to the lady: "Can you make me a dish of jelly, cake, cream & custard in the shape of an island off the southwest coast of Britain?"

    She said: "Don't you think that's a trifle scilly?"
     
    #10216
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  17. Wooperts_duck

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  18. Wooperts_duck

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  19. Wooperts_duck

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  20. Wooperts_duck

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    A woman asks her husband, 'Would you like some bacon and eggs, a
    slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit and coffee?'
    He declines. 'Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's
    this Viagra,' he says. 'It's really taken the edge off my appetite.'
    At lunchtime she asked him if he would like something. 'A bowl of
    soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?'
    He declines. 'The Viagra,' he says, 'really trashes my desire for food.'
    Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. 'Would you
    like a juicy rib eye steak and scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a
    rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?'
    He declines again. 'No,' he says, 'it's got to be the Viagra....I'm
    still not hungry.'
    'Well,' she says, 'Would you mind letting me up? I'm starving.'
     
    #10220
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