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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10141
    Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    An Irishman goes to the doctor, who after examining him says
    “You have some problems with your heart, but if you take these tablets, I think it will be okay.
    “So the doctor gives the man the tablets and the patient asks,
    “Do I have to take them every day?”
    No,” replies the doctor, “take one on the Monday, skip the Tuesday, take one on the Wednesday, skip the Thursday and go on like that.
    “Two weeks later the doctor is walking down the street, and he sees the patient’s wife.“Hello Mrs Murphy,” he says, “how’s your husband?”
    “Oh he died of a heart attack,” says Mrs Murphy.
    “I’m very sorry to hear that,” says the doctor, “I thought if he took those tablets he would be all right.”
    “Oh the tablets were fine,” says Mrs Murphy,
    “It was all the bloody skipping that killed him!”
     
    #10142
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My gay dyslexic mate hasn't come out of the closet yet.

    He's in Daniel........
     
    #10144
  5. Wooperts_duck

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    #10145
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I went to fish restaurant recently and ordered the Octopus.
    The waiter said: "It takes 4 hours to cook."
    I said: "Why?"
    He said: "Because it keeps turning the gas off."
     
    #10146
  7. Wooperts_duck

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    #10147
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  8. Wooperts_duck

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    #10148
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    To encourage me to eat when i was young my mother would put food on a spoon and say "here comes the train, here comes the train".

    It always worked because she wouldn't untie me from the track until i'd eaten it!
     
    #10149
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Grandad: 'I bought a BMW off one of the Kray's once.

    Me: 'What reg?'

    Grandad: 'No, Ronnie I think'.
     
    #10150
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    What are the Dalek's favourite trees ?

    YEW, WILLOW, BAY
     
    #10151
  12. Wooperts_duck

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  13. Wooperts_duck

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    #10153
  14. Wooperts_duck

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    #10154
  15. Wooperts_duck

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    “Doctor, I woke up this morning with this big lump on my left side.”

    Doctor:“Does your wife know you feel this way about her?”
     
    #10155
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I called the coastguard told them I had fallen out of my boat into the ocean.

    They said "Can you be more Pacific"
     
    #10156
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  17. Wooperts_duck

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    #10157
  18. Wooperts_duck

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    #10158
  19. Wooperts_duck

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    #10159
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I saw someone waving at me the other day but I wasn’t sure if they were waving at me or someone else so I ignored them.

    In other news I lost my job as a lifeguard.
     
    #10160

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